Navigating Internal Conflict
It is often difficult for us to navigate our internal emotional conflicts. We may feel excited about all the possibilities of being a new grad, but also feel overwhelmed by the uncertainties ahead; we may feel a strong desire to please family members but also feel resentful towards them because of that very people-pleasing urge.
Many of my clients share that internal conflict comes up often and is challenging to wrestle with. Sometimes internal conflict can:
-Feel overwhelming
-Bring up “shoulds,” and feelings of shame (e.g. I shouldn’t feel resentful towards my parents; I’m a bad son/daughter)
-Lead us to tune out the “uncomfortable,” emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and focus only on emotions that are “acceptable,” or “good.”
So, what can we do when we experience internal conflict?
-Giving permission: We might fear that giving ourselves permission to tune into the “uncomfortable,” emotions will lead us to be overcome by them. But, ignoring these tuned-out feelings only increases their intensity. Giving ourselves permission to feel both the “good and bad,” allows us to get the full picture of our experience.
-Understanding and appreciating: All of our feelings and desires are trying to communicate something to us. A posture of curiosity toward conflicting emotions can help us hear what they are trying to say. Some helpful questions to ask ourselves might be: “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” “Is this feeling trying to protect me somehow?” “What can this feeling tell me about what I am needing in this moment?”
-Identifying needs: Giving ourselves permission to experience and be curious about these conflicting feelings can often make our situation feel much less overwhelming. Noticing the answers to the above questions can give us a clearer direction of how to move forward, including continuing to normalize conflicting emotions.
The work of accepting and understanding our internal conflict is one that isn’t always easy but can help us show up in ways that align with who we are. If you'd like to see if this approach to therapy can work for you, set up an initial call with us. We are looking forward to hearing from you!