Reassurance doesn’t reduce anxiety when the environment still requires performance. Cognitive reframing doesn’t calm the body when vigilance remains necessary. Even coping skills can unintentionally increase self-monitoring.
When anxiety persists despite insight and effort, women often assume they’re failing. More often, the system is simply responding to unchanged demands.
Read MoreAs late-diagnosed or discovered clients come to terms with their neurodivergence and begin the work of unmasking, the process is both liberating and interwoven with grief. There is a juxtaposition between feeling validated in finally understanding why you always felt “different” and recognizing the realistic expectation that your nervous system functions differently from your neurotypical peers and therefore needs to be supported accordingly.
Read MoreYou're seeking more than temporary relief. Perhaps you've tried self-help strategies that offered short-term solutions but left you wondering why the same patterns keep resurfacing. You want practical tools to manage anxiety, gently challenge unhelpful thought patterns, or navigate life transitions—but you also sense there's something deeper at play. You're drawn to understanding not just what to change, but why these patterns exist in the first place.
Read MoreBecause familial estrangement is a common and often painful reality, it’s no surprise that it frequently shows up in my work with couples. It might look like:
Partners from vastly different families of origin who struggle to understand one another’s experiences
An engaged couple discussing excluding family members from their wedding
Parents deciding whether to allow their child to have a relationship with an estranged grandparent
In this corner of the world, there remain very few spaces reserved for communal practice and care around grief. Death and loss have, in large part, been pushed out of our conversations and social practices. As a result, many of us find ourselves without any shared language, rituals, or community spaces to make sense of our grief. Outside of a memorial service, we are largely left to navigate these losses on our own.
Read MoreMany people come to therapy seeking support for what looks like depression, anxiety, struggles with substance use, or patterns that feel hard to understand. Over time, we sometimes discover that these experiences are rooted not in separate problems, but in the lasting impact of relational and developmental trauma that shaped how the nervous system learned to cope and survive.
Read MoreIn ATK environments, parts of us that cope by creating distance through movement are often normalised, even reinforced, by a shared culture of leaving. But in adulthood, this fragmentation tends to surface more clearly as relationships require authenticity, congruence, and self-awareness. Maturity asks something different of us: the capacity to stay, to remain present, and to repair relational ruptures as they arise.
Read MoreIf you grew up autistic without knowing it, you likely learned early that the world responded more warmly when you hid certain parts of yourself. Maybe you softened your voice, monitored your facial expressions, copied social cues, or worked hard to appear “easy,” “low-maintenance,” or agreeable. These adaptations weren’t vanity or superficial - they were survival.
Read MoreThe holidays have come and gone, and as the new year begins, many feelings, associations, and meanings may still linger. For some, the holiday season offered warmth, connection, and a much-needed pause after a long, exhausting year. For others, the days leading up to and following the holidays can stir complex, confusing emotions that don’t neatly resolve once the calendar turns. As the world rushes forward into January, many parts within us may still be catching up.
Read MoreIn IFS, we talk about tapping into Self-energy to guide ourselves and our parts. Self-energy is the ultimate embodiment of yin/yang energy. When we are in Self, we have the wisdom and connectedness to access our ‘yang’ for confidence, clarity, and courage, or our ‘yin’ for curiosity, calmness, and creativity.
Read More“Tell him to pass the salt.”
Picture it: you’re seated at a dinner table with your family. Your parents recently had a big fight, and there’s tension in the air. Rather than speaking to one another, they communicate through you; rather than just asking for the salt, they ask you to ask for the salt.
This is a simple example of a dynamic called triangulation. Triangulation occurs when conflict between two people gets managed through a third person instead of being addressed directly.
Read MoreWhen clients prepare to visit home for the holidays, I often feel like a coach before a boxing match, reminding them of the boundaries we worked on together while they brace themselves for the visit.
Many describe the same experience: “I feel myself reverting,” or “I’m that little kid or teenager again.” Time at home can make clients feel as though the progress they’ve made in therapy slips back a few steps.
For BIPOC children of aging immigrant parents, relationships with our parents often carry a particular weight. They may have been close and supportive, strained, or even abusive, yet for many of us, the suggestion to “just cut them off” feels deeply offensive.
Read MoreBelow are common fears that people often face when considering entering into relationships. The first six were named by Elaine Hatfield, a renowned American social psychologist often referred to as the pioneer of the scientific study of love. Dr. Elaine Aron added the last two fears listed below as fears more commonly experienced by Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). Read more about HSPs here and here.
Read MoreAs children, we may have noticed we were praised for being “cute,” “pretty,” “good,” or “well-behaved,” and scolded, ignored, or shamed when we weren’t. Our bodies were consistently commented on. We were told to smile more. We were told what clothes looked good on us and which did not. Maybe you were bullied at school (I certainly was!) and your appearance was the focus. Somewhere along the way, the body became a container for worth. A protector part stepped in and you began to believe that if you looked how everyone wanted you to look, you would feel safe.
Read MoreSuicide is not an easy conversation. It lives in a place many of us would rather turn away from, and that silence can feel devastating when we are the ones carrying these thoughts. When we already feel overwhelmed or hopeless, being misunderstood can deepen the ache. Myths and assumptions widen the distance, leaving many of us feeling more alone when we most need connection.
Read MoreSo what's the real issue? What are you really trying to say to your partner? What are you not saying to the person who knows you intimately?
And the responsibility for communication isn't just on the speaker, but on the listener too. What, or when, are you unable to receive when your partner speaks? There was a time when love was passionate, and every word out of your loved one's mouth was cherished, so why did you stop listening?
Here are 3 ways to begin understanding the communication issues you're facing…
Read MoreA majority of the clients I see are first-generation cycle breakers. They are immigrants or children of immigrants trying to make sense of mental health and healing after a generation who had to focus on survival, acculturation, and assimilation in the U.S. Many were raised in collectivistic, shame-based cultures where therapy was never an option growing up.
While generational trauma is a common theme in therapy, I also believe generational gifts and strengths deserve to be highlighted and celebrated. As BIPOC individuals, we occupy a unique space where we sift through both worlds of cultural coping and modern mental health to discover what resonates for us.
Read MorePositive affirmations can paradoxically create more distress. Rather than feeling empowered, they experience cognitive dissonance—an uncomfortable tension that arises when conflicting beliefs are held simultaneously within. The more vigorously one part of themselves attempts to embrace positive thinking, the more resistant another part becomes, as if an internal rebellion is taking place.
Read MoreRegardless of its shape, familial estrangement is typically accompanied by an emotional rollercoaster. Parts that carry grief, guilt, relief, anger, and confusion can all show up, often at the same time. Many people also struggle with a sense of shame that says, “If I were a better daughter/son/sibling, I could figure this out.”
Read MoreSo. You’re in your mid- to late-20s and realizing you’re not where you thought you’d be by now. Maybe you imagined that you’d have a clearer career path, a long-term partner, or feel a greater sense of purpose by this age. Instead, you’re catching yourself spending hours scrolling on social media, watching everyone else seem to have it together —and wondering why you feel like you’re falling behind. Welcome to the Quarter Life Crisis.
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