While fall invites us to shed, winter beckons rest, and spring brings awakening, summer is a season of energetic abundance. Think: family-filled parks, vacations and roadtrips, picnics, dinner parties, beach days, dancing. Play. For some, this sounds exhilarating – you can’t wait to be a part of the vibrant energy. For others, this might bring anxiety, overstimulation, and a feeling of overwhelm – you wish things would slow down. If you’re anything like me, it’s both.
Read MoreAs I work with clients experiencing body dysmorphia and disordered eating, I often witness how deeply rooted shame lives inside them. Shame doesn't appear out of nowhere - it is inherited, absorbed, and rehearsed in relationships, both personal and cultural. The parts of us that monitor our appearance, compare our bodies, restrict our appetites, or harshly criticize our physicality often have histories that extend beyond our individual lives.
Read MoreFor many neurodivergent teens, daytime is a cacophony of sounds, stimulation, and neurotypical societal demands. On the other hand, nighttime may be the only time they feel calm, in control, and able to focus. It offers a sense of privacy and autonomy, and a time when they aren’t being watched, judged, or expected to perform. Night is also when some of their peers, especially other neurodivergent teens, are most active. This can make nighttime a prime time to socialize within neurodivergent or “neurokin” communities.
Read MoreIf you have ADHD, you're probably familiar with that inner voice that seems to have an endless supply of criticism ready at a moment's notice. "You're so lazy." "Why can't you just focus?" "Everyone else has their life together except you." It can feel relentless, albeit reliable.
Some therapy approaches focus on challenging this inner critic—essentially trying to out-argue it with more reasonable thoughts. While this can be helpful to some degree, it requires sustained mental effort to ensure the "reasonable voice" consistently wins the internal debate. For those of us with ADHD and interest-based nervous systems, maintaining this kind of disciplined mental vigilance rarely makes it to the top of our priority list.
Read MoreSome couples who come in for therapy identify as “high-conflict.” If this term resonates with you, your relational dynamics are likely characterized by anger, defensiveness, and contempt.
In high-conflict sessions, one of the most transformative tools I rely on from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is “catching the bullet.” This technique enables therapists to pause the couple’s cycle of conflict in real-time and redirect attention to the emotions and attachment needs underlying explosive moments.
Read MoreThe first step to coming home to yourself is to slow down. When you slow down, you tell your body that you are safe. This process can also be referred to as downregulation. To downregulate is to intentionally transition from your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) to your parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest). We need both systems to live a healthy life, but modern lifestyles often have us in "fight or flight" mode when it is not actually necessary, helpful, or adaptive. When we bring our parasympathetic system online, healing, creativity, and intuition can flow with ease, and we open access to our most authentic Self.
Read MoreAs an IFS and IFIO (Intimacy From the Inside Out) informed therapist and someone who has explored ENM in my own life, I’ve seen how vital it is to cultivate emotional safety, not just in our relationships but within ourselves.
One of my biggest takeaways is that it matters deeply whether we speak for our parts or from them, especially when we’re navigating the emotional complexity of non-monogamy.
Read MoreWe were always aware of the intercultural differences—he being of Puerto Rican and Nicaraguan heritage and having spent his whole life on American soil, me being Malaysian-Chinese who’s lived through a mixture of Eastern and Western influences in different countries and cities. We spent most of our dating life long-distance, so we rarely were ‘seen’ together. But as we reflected on that moment together, we realized another layer to our relationship we needed to unpack: Others see us first as an interracial couple.
Read MoreWhen we create a safe and attuned therapeutic relationship, we invite those deeper narratives to emerge: stories shaped by migration, resilience, systemic oppression, and cultural pride. As AAPI Heritage Month comes to a close, I'm reflecting on the need for therapy that moves beyond the myth of the "blank slate" therapist towards a dynamic, colorful, and culturally informed practice. Therapy that truly serves BIPOC clients seeks to decolonize the healing process by honoring culture, intersectionality, and lived experience.
Read MoreLife can be hard to navigate in the best of times, but as most people would agree, these are not the best of times. Depending on the intersection of privileged and marginalized identities we hold, our experiences right now might range from chaotic to destabilizing to truly unsafe.
When we experience uncertainty and threats to our safety, our protective parts naturally activate because it's their job to shield us from external threats and internal pain that can overwhelm us.
Read MoreOften, couples’ trauma histories interact to cause relational ruptures. For example, one partner’s need for space during conflict may be rooted in a survival strategy from childhood. The other’s fear of abandonment may stem from early losses or inconsistent caregiving. Over time, these opposing needs may cause a pattern where one partner demands attention and the other withdraws, leading to a loss of connection. Couples therapy provides a safe environment to explore each partner’s story and pain so that the couple can begin to reconnect and move forward together.
Read MoreYou've heard it before: Just be yourself. Listen to your heart.
But it's not that easy. To truly be yourself requires a deep unearthing – a stripping away – of all the layers of identity that have been accumulated over the years from external voices. Parents. Culture. School. Peers. Social media. Society at large. The 21st century is over saturated with shoulds and should nots, can and can nots. Slowly, over time, and before we know it, we find ourselves wearing layers and layers of energetic jackets that are not ours. Though imperceivable to the eye, these layers weigh us down.
Read MoreOpening a relationship isn't a simple decision—it's a deeply emotional one. The reasons why couples consider it can make a significant difference in where this path takes them. Some come in feeling hopeful and aligned. Others are overwhelmed, disconnected, and trying to fix something that's been hurting for a long time.
So let's talk about the healthy reasons couples explore ENM—and the riskier ones that can quietly unravel trust…
Read MoreReligious trauma, much like experiencing physical and sexual abuse or a severe accident can produce the same effects. Feelings of isolation, shame, guilt, anger, and dissociation are common. Direct and indirect messages from beliefs, religious leaders, and the spiritual community can become rigid, shaming, and fear-mongering. So it makes sense to find yourself desperate for control to make yourself "good" and avoid punishment.
Read MoreAdolescence is a time of individuation. As kids grow into teenagers, so grows their desire for independence and control over their lives. If you’re a parent of a teen or pre-teen, you may notice increasing conflict with your child. They might seem more defiant, more likely to talk back, and more likely to push you away. Often, this conflict lies in the tension between your child’s desire for control and your own.
Read MoreMany individuals seek therapy for help navigating trauma, but trauma’s effects are rarely limited to the person who experienced it. Often, symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress create strain in a survivor’s closest relationships. These difficulties can manifest in various ways, such as emotional distance, communication struggles, and physical withdrawal. Understanding how trauma impacts a relationship is essential for both partners to navigate the healing process together.
Read MoreBecause political beliefs are often tied to values, having a different view than your partner can feel like an impossible gap to bridge. These differences can lead to frustration, anger, and defensiveness, leaving both partners feeling unheard and misunderstood. Over time, this can create withdrawal, criticism, and resentment patterns.
In Emotional-Focused Therapy (EFT), we focus on the emotional underpinnings of interactions and beliefs. When partners understand why the other person feels strongly about a particular issue, they can engage more empathetically.
Read MorePeer pressure and jealousy can also create tension in teenage friendships. The desire to belong can be so strong that it can cause teens to consider going against their own values to fit in. They may also be jealous of others who seem to fit in more easily. On top of all of this, as a teen, you are still exploring who you are. Your values likely aren’t fully developed, and you might not even really know who you want to be friends with. This can lead to confusion and self-betrayal as the desire to fit in clashes with the desire to be uniquely and authentically you.
Read MoreWhen working with neurodivergent clients, a neurodiversity-affirming therapist aims to tailor their approach to account for how parts are uniquely influenced by that client's specific neurological makeup. This neurological context adds an essential dimension to understanding why certain parts emerge and function as they do.
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