My Partner and I Have Different Political Views. Are We Doomed?
"The personal is political." - Unknown
Every day, I speak with clients navigating relational strain due to politics. Some have experienced ruptures in their family of origin because of differing beliefs; others struggle to stay in a job where their ideologies are misaligned with their coworkers'. But my couples seem to feel the impact of the political divide most deeply.
Because political beliefs are often tied to values, having a different view than your partner can feel like an impossible gap to bridge. These differences can lead to frustration, anger, and defensiveness, leaving both partners feeling unheard and misunderstood. Over time, this can create withdrawal, criticism, and resentment patterns.
In Emotional-Focused Therapy (EFT), we focus on the emotional underpinnings of interactions and beliefs. When partners understand why the other person feels strongly about a particular issue, they can engage more empathetically.
EFT is an attachment-based modality that helps couples strengthen their emotional connection. The core idea of EFT is that emotional responsiveness — attuning to and engaging with your partner's feelings — is key to fostering a secure attachment. When couples face political divides, they often struggle to respond emotionally to one another's needs. One partner might feel dismissed, while the other feels attacked, creating a cycle of disconnection.
EFT helps couples end these negative cycles by showing them how to recognize and express vulnerable emotions such as fear, hurt, or longing beneath their political views. By identifying these emotional drivers, each partner gains an opportunity to see the world through the other's eyes.
Navigating political conflict through Emotionally Focused Couple's Therapy could look like this:
Stabilize and De-escalate: The first step is to create an environment where both partners feel safe to express their feelings. This allows for a deeper exploration of the emotions behind political beliefs, which may be linked to past experiences or fears. Once both partners feel heard and validated, they can begin seeing each other as individuals with different perspectives shaped by unique life experiences.
Change Negative Patterns: When couples struggle with disconnection, one partner often withdraws while the other pursues or criticizes. EFT aims to break these patterns by fostering vulnerability and open communication. By expressing emotions in a non-confrontational way, partners learn to engage in more productive conversations about their differences.
Restructure the Emotional Bond: The ultimate goal of EFT is to rebuild the emotional bond between partners. By focusing on emotional needs, couples can strengthen their connection. This doesn't mean abandoning political differences, but prioritizing the relationship and working together to understand one another's emotional landscape.
Political misalignment can feel like a dealbreaker, but Emotionally Focused Couples' therapy offers couples a path forward. When partners can reconnect emotionally, they can face any challenge together.
Start Working With an EFT-Trained Couple’s Therapist in Highland Park, CA
Our team of caring therapists is happy to offer support from our Highland Park, CA-based practice. Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
Speak with a couple’s therapist.
Navigate your differences with confidence!
Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig
At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of couples and individuals. In addition to couples therapy, we also offer Grief and loss therapy in Highland Park, CA, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Teen Therapy, and IFS Therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your journey to a better relationship for you and your partner.
Janelle Malak is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT #144798), supervised by Sharon Yu. As someone who became a parent and changed careers in my late 30s, I understand the challenges of giving yourself permission to evolve. My own therapist helped me navigate the emotional landscape of “beginning again” – it is a frightening, overwhelming place to be, especially in midlife. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.