Teenage Friendships
Navigating friendships during adolescence may be both the most challenging and enriching part of this developmental period. As teens begin to desire more independence and explore relationships outside of the family unit, peer groups become increasingly important. This makes sense: humans are deeply relational animals.
Abundant research has shown a social connection to be a fundamental human need, with supportive relationships being key to longevity, happiness, and physical and emotional well-being. Adolescence is the transitional period of social development in which individuals begin more intentionally creating relationships with peers – also known as friendships. Daniel Siegel, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine, reminds us of the biological nature of this process:
“Why would it be natural to turn toward your peers as an adolescent? Because that’s on whom you’re going to depend on when you leave home. Often, in the wild, a mammal without an adolescent peer group is as good as dead. So connecting with a peer group can feel like a matter of survival.” (Greater Good Magazine, 2014).
However, finding a peer group is not always easy. Friendships require effort, understanding, and continued investment. Adolescence exacerbates these difficulties as teenagers discover who they are and face a myriad of pressures unique to this developmental period.
Common Friendship Troubles
As in all relationships, challenges will arise as teens deepen their friendships. Some of the most common concerns in teenage friendships are related to issues of belonging, peer pressure, jealousy, conflict, and change.
As a teen, there is likely a significant amount of weight placed on feeling like you belong and are accepted into a friend group – whether at school or in an extracurricular activity. Feeling left out or rejected can be one of the most painful feelings, especially when you’re just being yourself and trying to be a good friend to others.
Peer pressure and jealousy can also create tension in teenage friendships. The desire to belong can be so strong that it can cause teens to consider going against their own values to fit in. They may also be jealous of others who seem to fit in more easily. On top of all of this, as a teen, you are still exploring who you are. Your values likely aren’t fully developed, and you might not even really know who you want to be friends with. This can lead to confusion and self-betrayal as the desire to fit in clashes with the desire to be uniquely and authentically you.
When conflicts arise, communication is key. Learning how to mend conflict is a skill developed with time and experience. As a teen, you and your peers are in the process of learning these skills for the very first time. As a result, you may not always know how to communicate with your friends through conflict, and they likely won’t always communicate with you how you want them to. These mistakes are normal, but they can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Lastly, you and the rest of your peers are growing and changing rapidly. As teenagers continue to explore who they are, some friendships may grow closer, and others may grow farther apart. This is a natural unfolding, though it can sometimes hurt. Here, it is important to remember that friendship changes are not always personal.
Good vs. Bad Friends
A good friend is someone who is supportive, genuinely cares about you, listens, and makes you feel accepted and like you belong. A bad friend is someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, gossips about you, or excludes you from social situations, leaving you feeling rejected and like you don’t belong. While friendship dynamics during adolescence can be complicated, there are things you can do to attract more positive friendships into your life.
Equally important to surround yourself with good friends is being a good friend. Notice how you talk about your friends. Do you celebrate their wins? Do you want the best for them? Notice how you engage with your friends. Do you make an effort to make sure they feel listened to and included in activities? Do you apologize for your mistakes and respect their boundaries? It’s okay if you answer ‘no’ to some of these questions – again, you are learning. There is room to grow! If you feel concerned that you might be a bad friend or are having a difficult time maintaining friendships, this could be a good time to reach out for support from a trusted adult or therapist to explore what might be going on and build skills that make it easier to find a genuine connection with others. Often, the most important place to start is building confidence in yourself.
Find Support as You or Your Teen Navigate Friendships
Most teens spend the majority of their waking time each week at school and, therefore, with their peer groups. Therefore, it is important to consider the quality of teenage friendships and nurture social skills that contribute to healthier relationships. It is normal to struggle with friendships as a teen; this is a part of the learning experience and does not last forever. But you don’t have to navigate them alone.
Start Working With a Teen Therapist in Los Angeles, CA
If you are a teenager or know a teenager who could use support through this vulnerable development period of social development, Therapy on Fig offers specialized Adolescent Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, to help you navigate this chapter more gracefully. Our therapists are experienced in providing compassionate and effective therapy to support you through these transformational times. We offer a safe space to explore your feelings, process your experiences, and work towards healthy self-expression and exploration. Our trauma-informed approach ensures you receive the support you need to navigate whatever may arise. Let us support you on your journey to being unashamedly you by following the steps below:
Reach out to schedule a free consultation.
Speak with a caring adolescent therapist.
Navigate and build quality friendships by learning how to feel safe being and expressing just who you are.
Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig
At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of teens, adults, and couples. In addition to Teen Therapy in Highland Park, CA, we also offer Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Grief and Loss Therapy, and Couples Therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, self-esteem, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your path to healing, agency, and peace.
Marina Mendes is a Registered Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (#15511) supervised by Sharon Yu, LMFT (#50028). As a mixed-race Asian American queer woman, introvert, and Highly Sensitive Person, my healing work is shaped by a deep understanding of what it means to feel "othered." I support individuals who feel misunderstood, embrace multifaceted identities, and value multicultural awareness. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.