IFS & Teenage Torment: Building Identity, Confidence, and Self Esteem
Adolescence is a ripe period of self-exploration and growth. As a teenager, you are rapidly developing – physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially – exploring and learning about who you are, what you care about, what you like and don’t like, and how you relate to the world. This can be dense, confusing, and challenging – and it can also be exciting, explorative, and playful with the right support.
To speak to some of the common tribulations of this developmental period – as a teenager, you may feel pressure to look and behave in specific ways to “fit in,” and you may feel something is wrong with you if your inclination is to be a bit different. Maybe you’ve played a sport or an instrument your whole life and realize you don’t enjoy it as much as you used to. Perhaps there’s fear that without this activity, you may lose a sense of belonging and community, face disappointment from parental figures, or have difficulty knowing who you even are.
Or maybe you’ve been curious about trying something new – painting, playing guitar, or writing poetry – but are worried you won’t be any good at it: “That’s for the artsy kids” or “I’m not creative.”
You may want to dress differently than your peers or what you see in pop culture media. Maybe you’re finding yourself questioning your gender or sexual identity and aren’t sure who to talk to or how to even talk about it. Maybe even you disagree with your parents’ political views or cultural values, which makes you angry and causes dissonance in the home. As you explore your identity, you’ll feel more comfortable being yourself around certain people and less so around others. This might affect how you express yourself and the friendships you choose to invest in.
These are everyday experiences as a teenager, and the good news is that you have permission to try it – question it all – and decide what is for you and what is not. You may be trying and asking lots of new things. This is good. You are beginning to explore your identity.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy for Adolescents
In IFS Therapy, we make sense of who you are by understanding the parts of you that make you, you. All people are a unique combination of parts, and it is during this adolescent period many of these parts come into formation and begin to develop relationships with one another. We’ve noticed common themes in working with teens: identity, self-esteem, and self-confidence. When teenagers struggle with these areas, they might socially isolate or, conversely, abandon themselves to fit a mold of popular external expectations. As a teen, you might experience frequent mood swings, bouts of anxiety, difficulty expressing your needs, or aversion to challenging tasks due to fear of failure. IFS is a powerful tool for working with distress related to these common adolescent experiences.
A typical arc of therapeutic work under the IFS model looks like this:
Building rapport and safety. It’s important that you trust your therapist and feel safe to express your internal experiences. Whatever you are feeling is okay – and likely a normal response to external stressors in your life. We will help you understand that none of these emotions or challenges are who you are. Instead, they are simply parts of you asking for your attention.
Identifying parts. Once a safe relationship has been established, we will begin to identify and get to know the parts that make you, you. You might have an “inner critic” that just seems to continually knock down your self-esteem, or a part that brings you to shut down and withdraw when you feel rejected by peers. Together, we will learn what parts are here and how they are trying to serve you.
Building connection with parts. As your therapist, we will guide you into connecting with your parts from a place of compassion and curiosity. You will find that, more often than not, parts that contribute to distress or suppressed expression are really trying to keep you safe. It is natural and worth celebrating that your primal instincts work hard to preserve your well-being.
Connecting with who you truly are. As we deepen our work together and become more familiar with your parts, we will guide you to connect with your inner wisdom and compassion to find more spaciousness day to day. In other words, connecting with your authentic self will help make big emotions feel less so, allowing you to explore and create your identity with confidence and high self-worth.
Integration. Though your parts are not who you are, they are a part of who you are. The last phase of our work together will bring it all together: your core Self and all your parts to be made whole.
Every session is different, but most sessions focus on a singular part causing present distress in your life. We may begin sessions with meditation and gentle breath patterns to regulate the nervous system before connecting deeper with this part, asking for our attention (e.g., criticism, dissociation, anger, sadness, embarrassment, shame).
IFS is a uniquely non-pathologizing approach to therapy, meaning we firmly believe there is nothing wrong with you. We are not trying to “fix” you. We are trying to help you navigate and understand the complexities of the human experience so that you can move forward as you possibly can. We work at the root rather than treating symptoms and empower you as an active participant in crafting your identity and self-expression.
Teens That Would Benefit From an IFS Approach
If you or your teen are struggling with overwhelming emotions such as sadness, anger, or frustration, you may benefit from working with an IFS therapist. This approach may be particularly helpful for teens with perfectionistic tendencies, histories of trauma or neglect, gender or sexual identity confusion, or a strong critical inner voice that slowly chips away at confidence and self-esteem.
Start Working With a Teen Therapist in Los Angeles, CA
If you are a teenager or know a teenager who could use support through this vulnerable development period, Therapy on Fig offers specialized Adolescent Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, to help you navigate this chapter more gracefully. Our therapists are experienced in providing compassionate and effective therapy to support you through these transformational times. We offer a safe space to explore your feelings, process your experiences, and work towards healthy self-expression and exploration. Our trauma-informed approach ensures you receive the support you need to navigate whatever may arise. Let us support you on your journey to being unashamedly you by following the steps below:
Reach out to schedule a free consultation.
Speak with a caring adolescent therapist.
Live a more playful and connected life by learning how to feel safe being and expressing just who you are.
Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig
At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of teens, adults, and couples. In addition to Teen Therapy in Highland Park, CA, we also offer Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Grief and Loss Therapy, and Couples Therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, self-esteem, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your path to healing, agency, and peace.
Marina Mendes is a Registered Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (#15511) supervised by Sharon Yu, LMFT (#50028). As a mixed-race Asian American queer woman, introvert, and Highly Sensitive Person, my healing work is shaped by a deep understanding of what it means to feel "othered." I support individuals who feel misunderstood, embrace multifaceted identities, and value multicultural awareness. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.