As we grow and move through different seasons, it's natural for our interests, values, and goals to shift. A common shift not often addressed is a shift, change, or deconstruction in faith. Deconstructing your faith and belief system can be confusing, jarring, and emotional. You formerly held a clear framework for how to make sense and meaning of most things - yourself, your relationships, your purpose in life, and the world around you. When that framework begins to crumble, you might be left with questions such as:

"What are my meaning and purpose?"

"How do I now make sense of suffering and pain?"

If your faith practice involved participating in a faith community - "Where do I belong now?"

"Who or what do I believe now?"

When clients come to therapy with these questions, I encourage my clients to pause and extend care to various parts of them who may be activated through this deconstruction process.

Some common parts I notice are:

1. A part who often feels guilty. This is the part of you who may feel a sense of shame or guilt for questioning and challenging your faith. This guilty part may have even received messages like, "It's wrong to question. If you question, it means you're weak in your convictions, easily swayed, etc." Perhaps participating in your particular belief system is significant to your culture and connects you to your family and ancestry.

Ideas for caring for this part: Let this part know that it's okay to question. Give it space to ask hard questions. Perhaps give this part permission to take elements of your faith that still resonate and leave parts that do not.

2. A part who feels a sense of loss. With any change comes loss. This part of you may be grieving what has been lost through this deconstruction process. Some examples include a loss in:

Community and friendships
Identity
An approach to life that once felt meaningful and grounding
A feeling of confidence and assurance.

Ideas for caring for this part: Acknowledge each of these losses as real and whole losses, and acknowledge grief as a crucial element of this process. Let this part know that it's okay to miss and long for what was lost.

3. A part who feels existential. This is the part of you who might be pressured to "figure it all out." It's scary and overwhelming to suddenly not have a clear and set belief system. This part might feel activated to research, read, search for answers, and arrive at conclusions.

Ideas for caring for this part: Acknowledge this part's desire and good intentions. Give it permission to exist in the liminal space. Let this part know that it's okay not to "arrive" anywhere and that there is great value in the exploration process and being okay with uncertainty.

Faith deconstruction can be an overwhelming and confusing process. However, by identifying and caring for the parts of you who may feel differently, we can move toward clarity, self-compassion, and greater authenticity.

Parts Work in Faith Deconstruction

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