Navigating Couples Therapy When Both Partners Have Experienced Trauma

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Many couples enter therapy not just with relational struggles, but also with deep individual wounds. When both partners have experienced trauma — whether from childhood, past relationships, or other life-altering events — the therapeutic process becomes more nuanced.

Trauma affects how we connect, communicate, and cope.

It can cause hypervigilance, emotional withdrawal, difficulty trusting, or a tendency to overreact in moments that feel threatening. When both people in a relationship carry these patterns, the partnership can become a cycle of triggered reactions rather than a safe space for mutual support. Couple’s therapy can play a crucial role in improving communication and intimacy, as well as recognizing and holding space for each person’s trauma with compassion.

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In therapy, we slow things down to create a space where both partners can recognize their individual triggers and patterns without blame. This process is not about diagnosing or assigning fault; it’s about fostering curiosity and empathy for oneself and one’s partner.

Often, couples’ trauma histories interact to cause relational ruptures. For example, one partner’s need for space during conflict may be rooted in a survival strategy from childhood. The other’s fear of abandonment may stem from early losses or inconsistent caregiving. Over time, these opposing needs may cause a pattern where one partner demands attention and the other withdraws, leading to a loss of connection. Couples therapy provides a safe environment to explore each partner’s story and pain so that the couple can begin to reconnect and move forward together. 

Balancing individual healing with relationship growth.

While we address the couple’s dynamics, I also encourage each partner to seek or continue individual trauma therapy. This dual approach allows for deeper processing of trauma that may not be safe or appropriate to fully explore in a joint setting. In couples’ work, we focus on building safety, communication, and attunement within the partnership.

Couples with trauma histories often carry a deep fear that their needs won’t be met, or that being vulnerable will lead to harm. Therapy is also a place to practice new ways of relating, such as asking for comfort and setting boundaries. Healing in this context is about learning how to hold your partner’s story with care and letting them hold yours; it’s about becoming allies in the healing journey, rather than adversaries caught in old trauma responses.

I have seen couples emerge stronger from this work because they learned to see each other clearly, with compassion and courage. For those willing to do the work, couples therapy can be a profound path to mutual transformation.

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Start working with a Trauma-Informed Couples Therapist in Highland Park, Los Angeles, CA

Many people benefit from working with a couple’s therapist to navigate trauma relationally. If you are ready to start your therapy journey, our team of couples therapists is happy to offer support from our Highland Park, CA-based practice. Simply:

  1. Reach out to schedule a brief initial consultation.

  2. Speak with a trauma-informed couples therapist.

  3. Navigate your differences with confidence!

Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig

At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of couples and individuals. In addition to couples therapy, we offer Grief and loss therapy in Highland Park, CA, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Teen Therapy, and IFS Therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your journey to a better relationship for you and your partner.

 
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Janelle Malak is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT #144798), supervised by Sharon Yu. As someone who became a parent and changed careers in my late 30s, I understand the challenges of giving yourself permission to evolve. My own therapist helped me navigate the emotional landscape of “beginning again” – it is a frightening, overwhelming place to be, especially in midlife. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.

 
Sharon Yu