Coming Home: We Lose Ourselves to Find Ourselves, Over and Over Again
You've heard it before: Just be yourself. Listen to your heart.
But it's not that easy. To truly be yourself requires a deep unearthing – a stripping away – of all the layers of identity that have been accumulated over the years from external voices. Parents. Culture. School. Peers. Social media. Society at large. The 21st century is over saturated with shoulds and should nots, can and can nots. Slowly, over time, and before we know it, we find ourselves wearing layers and layers of energetic jackets that are not ours. Though imperceivable to the eye, these layers weigh us down.
Carrying the weight of these layers can feel confusing. It can show up as burnout, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, or even dissociation. Or maybe it just feels like a simmering dissatisfaction below the surface, moving through life on cruise control. The underlying feeling here is a disconnection from self, bringing with it a loss of personal agency and a quiet loneliness of the heart.
It is only when we remove the noise and find a spacious stillness that we may hear the voice coming from within—our own voice, perhaps yearning or perhaps patiently waiting in the shadows for us to listen.
I refer to this process as the journey of coming home. To come home to yourself is to feel a sense of belonging in your own being, to feel truly safe within your own system, and to freely connect with and express your most authentic self.
"The real work you have to do is in the privacy of your own heart" – Ram Dass.
Step One: Slow Down.
The first step on this journey is to slow down. Create space for your nervous system to relax into a state of rest. Convey to your body that it is safe. Some practices that can support bringing the parasympathetic nervous system online include listening to calming sounds, engaging in sensory or body scan meditations, practicing gentle breathing patterns, connecting with nature, and coloring, painting, or engaging in another creative activity that pulls you into presence. Come into the body, and quiet the mind.
Listen: Resonance Meditation by Beautiful Chorus
Step Two: Witness.
Create space to be a witness to yourself. Notice. What sensations, thoughts, and feelings are you experiencing as you begin to meet yourself? Is there fear or curiosity? Maybe both? Take your time to look back at your journey thus far. This is a process of bowing to yourself in reverence to every version of you that has ever been and every part of you that makes you who you are today. From this quiet place, can you see your life story from a bird's eye view? What parts are calling out to your attention, to show you something you may have forgotten? Can you see it all and love it all?
Reflection: Looking back on the last year,
I would summarize it in these three words…
My happiest moments were…
Most challenging moments were…
Things that filled my cup…
Things that drained my cup…
I am proud of myself for…
Listen: I have been a thousand different women by Emory Hall, Trevor Hall
Step Three: Discern.
As you focus on the whole of your journey, consider what stories you have collected over time about who you are and what you stand for. What's yours, and what isn't? Take time to identify your values and allow these to guide your decisions. Our values are the soil from which everything else grows.
Reflection: After writing in response to these questions, circle any themes you notice. From here, identify your core 3-5 values.
What makes you feel the most alive?
In social settings, what do you find yourself talking about most? What topics light you up the most?
When you think of wanting money, what do you honestly and authentically want to use it for?
Think about your Pinterest boards, saved Instagram folders, and screenshots on your phone. What do you find yourself saving the most?
Think of your ideal day. What would be included to bring you the most joy (no financial constraints)?
Think back to childhood. What were the things you loved or cared about as a kid?
Step Four: Release.
Once you have identified what is yours, it is time to release what is not. Movement is an integral part of this process. Shake out stuck energy by jumping up and down, shaking your limbs, and fluttering your lips. You might go for a run, take a dance class (or have a dance party in your living room), or even scream into the ocean or off a mountainside. Let it go. Practice setting boundaries and saying no. Other supportive practices include writing and burning a letter or list of what you wish to release, sharing verbally with a being in nature, and asking if they will take your burdens for you (Mother Nature can hold it all). Deeper work here is best supported by a therapist.
Step Five: Integrate.
This is an essential step. Coming home to yourself requires courage, discipline, and a willingness to continually meet yourself in discomfort. It is a lifelong practice.
Using your values as your foundation, set intentions as your north star. How will you use what you learned through this process to live a life most authentically aligned to your unique expression? What habits and practices can you implement to continually visit this place of your heart – your inner temple – to receive the wisdom you contain within?
Listen: Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves
Come Home to Yourself with Therapy on Fig in Los Angeles, CA Today!
Wise ones know that we find our most profound healing in connection with others. Humans are innately relational animals. And although no one can do your deepest work for you, you cannot do it alone. Working with a therapist allows the most tender parts of yourself to be offered the corrective experience of not being alone. To witness yourself, with the supportive witness of a trained therapist. Here at Therapy on Fig, we can guide you through the sacred experience of coming home to yourself with your unique identity, personality, and cultural background in mind. Follow the steps below to begin this journey with us!
Reach out to schedule a free consultation.
Speak with a compassionate, non-pathologizing therapist.
Come home to your most authentically expressed self!
*We believe in the power of being witnessed in community, too. Email hello@therapyonfig.com to join our waitlist for group offerings.
Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig
At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of teens, adults, and couples. We provide Teen Therapy in Highland Park, CA, we also offer Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Grief and Loss Therapy, and Couples Therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, self-esteem, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your path to healing, agency, and peace.
Marina Mendes is a Registered Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (#15511) supervised by Sharon Yu, LMFT (#50028). As a mixed-race Asian American queer woman, introvert, and Highly Sensitive Person, my healing work is shaped by a deep understanding of what it means to feel "othered." I support individuals who feel misunderstood, embrace multifaceted identities, and value multicultural awareness. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.