Navigating Friendships as an HSP (Part 2)
Photo by Joseph Lee on Unsplash
As we get curious about the fear of being a burden in friendships, there is also an invitation to notice other friendship experiences. There have probably been times when you’ve found yourself spiraling after hanging out with a friend, worrying about something you said. As much as you’d like to shake it, getting out of that ruminating spiral is hard. Maybe you’ve felt exhausted from saying ‘yes’ too many times. If you resonate with these patterns, here are some ways to break down and further explore, leading to nourishing friendships, which, at the end of the day, are what these parts of you likely long for.
Overthinking and Ruminating
As an HSP, you bring many gifts into your friendships. Some of these are a sense of attunement, conscientiousness, and empathy, allowing you to connect in rich, powerful ways with those in your life. These qualities that allow for deep connections may also be factors in those overthinking spirals that can feel tough to escape. If you find this is a pattern for you, can you first zoom out and notice how you feel about the friendship as a whole? Is this someone who you feel encouraged, seen, and uplifted? If the answer is yes:
→ What does it feel like when this overthinking shows up? What are the physical sensations and emotions? Can you recognize this experience is a part of you rather than all of you?
→ What are the fears that show up when this overthinking is happening? Are there worries about saying the wrong thing, being rejected, feeling unseen, inauthentic, etc.?
→ Can you do a reality test with this overthinking part of you? Can you trust this friend to tell you if they felt bothered by something you said? Can you trust that there will be a time and place to check in and repair if need be?
People Pleasing and Struggles with Setting Boundaries
As an HSP, you’ve likely had many moments where you can say ‘yes’ to what is easier for the other person or yourself. Over time, continually choosing the former can lead to relational burnout and feeling undervalued and resentful. When you look at your friendships, do you notice yourself stretching too much too often? Are you the friend who is always driving across town instead of asking to meet halfway, or the friend who makes it work to hang out even when you don’t have the capacity?
Being conscientious of others and prioritizing meaningful connections is not bad; these qualities make you a great friend. But when these kick into overdrive, can you ask yourself:
→ What fear is fueling my constant ‘yes?’ Is there a people-pleasing part of me that fears my own needs will not be considered valid or that I must forgo my needs to maintain closeness with others?
→ Where did this fear come from? What has it been like to share my needs in the past? Have there been experiences of feeling minimized, disappointed, or dismissed?
→ What does the people-pleaser (or other parts) of me need to feel reassured that I can both express my needs and feel connected?
It can be easy to see sensitivity as inhibiting or limiting us. At times, it can definitely feel that way. However, as we close, what would it be like for you to consider one or two ways your sensitivity is a strength? To see it as something that makes you a great connector, creative, and authentic in your friendships and other areas of life?