Narcissism as a Protector

Narcissism has become a hot topic in recent years, sparking conversations about narcissistic traits in high-powered individuals, narcissistic abuse in relationships, and methods for “spotting” a narcissist. According to the DSM-5, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. These individuals appear uninterested in examining a situation from another perspective and incapable of extending care to someone else in a way that is not ultimately self-serving.

Narcissism is a complex and broad term, the cause of which can be varied. Some posit that the overvaluation of children from their parents leads to a deficit in self-reflection and empathy. However, it has been widely noted that narcissism can function as a protective mechanism against self-conscious emotions such as shame and guilt. It could come from being constantly shamed or criticized as a child, leading to unbearable feelings that can be temporarily reduced with narcissism. 

Without excusing the destructive behavior of narcissists, it’s helpful to understand that their narcissism might be a compensation for shame. According to Internal Family Systems theory (IFS), all behaviors and symptoms occur to maintain homeostasis in an individual’s internal system. Narcissism (as with any other trait) can be seen as only one part of an individual. 

Grandiosity and inflated self-importance can be highly effective protective mechanisms. If a narcissistic part believes that it must do the job of overvaluing the importance of the individual to keep the rest of the system running, there’s a good chance that this is a more vulnerable part this “narcissist” part is protecting. If a shameful part, for example, feels that it is unsafe to express itself, the narcissistic part might feel obligated to distract others or one’s self from this vulnerability by focusing on the seemingly positive aspects of their personality and status in the world. 

It is important to note that understanding narcissism as a part does not mean that we ought to allow ourselves to be mistreated or perceive people with narcissistic traits as helpless victims who need our help. However, it can give us more insight and depth into what might be happening beneath the surface, which can be clarifying and empowering for many. 

Sharon Yu