Positive affirmations can paradoxically create more distress. Rather than feeling empowered, they experience cognitive dissonance—an uncomfortable tension that arises when conflicting beliefs are held simultaneously within. The more vigorously one part of themselves attempts to embrace positive thinking, the more resistant another part becomes, as if an internal rebellion is taking place.
Read MoreIn Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we see that eating struggles are rarely about food.
They’re about protection.
Early experiences, especially the ones that left us feeling unseen, unsafe, or not enough, can plant the seeds of protection. Younger parts of us carry pain, fear, or shame that once felt too heavy to hold. Other parts step in to manage that weight through control, criticism, perfectionism, or numbing. These patterns aren’t evidence of brokenness. They’re evidence of survival: of a system that found a way to keep going.
Read MoreMany high achievers carry an internal narrative that sounds like this: "If I could just do more, succeed more, become more, then I would feel good." The problem is that the bar keeps rising. They hit one goal and immediately start reaching for the next.
This kind of internal system isn't flawed – it's adaptive. Somewhere along the way, these parts learned that being competent, successful, or impressive was the safest way to exist.
Read MoreOrthorexia is a lesser-known but increasingly common form of disordered eating that often starts from a well-intentioned place, yet can gradually consume a person’s energy, identity, and peace of mind.
Read MoreHuman beings are fundamentally wired for connection and belonging. While much of our cultural conversation around relationships focuses on romantic partnerships, the reality is that platonic friendships are equally vital to our emotional wellbeing and sense of self. For individuals with ADHD, navigating the complex landscape of friendship can present unique challenges that often go unrecognized or misunderstood, leading to cycles of shame, rejection, and isolation.
Read MoreMany of my clients discuss career-related stressors. While their industries, backgrounds, and lived experiences vary widely, almost all of them share a commonality:
Read MoreAs I work with clients experiencing body dysmorphia and disordered eating, I often witness how deeply rooted shame lives inside them. Shame doesn't appear out of nowhere - it is inherited, absorbed, and rehearsed in relationships, both personal and cultural. The parts of us that monitor our appearance, compare our bodies, restrict our appetites, or harshly criticize our physicality often have histories that extend beyond our individual lives.
Read MoreIf you have ADHD, you're probably familiar with that inner voice that seems to have an endless supply of criticism ready at a moment's notice. "You're so lazy." "Why can't you just focus?" "Everyone else has their life together except you." It can feel relentless, albeit reliable.
Some therapy approaches focus on challenging this inner critic—essentially trying to out-argue it with more reasonable thoughts. While this can be helpful to some degree, it requires sustained mental effort to ensure the "reasonable voice" consistently wins the internal debate. For those of us with ADHD and interest-based nervous systems, maintaining this kind of disciplined mental vigilance rarely makes it to the top of our priority list.
Read MoreAs an IFS and IFIO (Intimacy From the Inside Out) informed therapist and someone who has explored ENM in my own life, I’ve seen how vital it is to cultivate emotional safety, not just in our relationships but within ourselves.
One of my biggest takeaways is that it matters deeply whether we speak for our parts or from them, especially when we’re navigating the emotional complexity of non-monogamy.
Read MoreLife can be hard to navigate in the best of times, but as most people would agree, these are not the best of times. Depending on the intersection of privileged and marginalized identities we hold, our experiences right now might range from chaotic to destabilizing to truly unsafe.
When we experience uncertainty and threats to our safety, our protective parts naturally activate because it's their job to shield us from external threats and internal pain that can overwhelm us.
Read MoreIf you are struggling with disordered eating, your relationship with food and/or exercise has likely become a relentless cycle of control, guilt, and shame. You may feel a deep sense of not feeling "good enough."
Beneath the surface behaviors—whether it's restriction, bingeing, over-exercising, or purging—lie common core themes that often emerge in therapy: a deep sense of unworthiness, perfectionism, fear of failure, and an overwhelming need for control in the face of internal chaos.
Read MoreMany of my clients are struggling in their careers. Some have their “dream job” but grapple with long-held expectations that do not match reality. Others hold sought-after creative roles that feel stifling and antithetical to the creative process. Some feel trapped by “golden handcuffs” – they earn a great salary but are always on call, making work/life balance impossible to achieve.
Read MoreRelational trauma occurs when the people we trust most—those we look to for safety, stability, love, validation, and security—are also a source of significant psychological harm. This kind of trauma most often occurs in childhood from our caregivers but can extend into adulthood, particularly with romantic partners.
Read MoreAttachment injuries refer to emotional wounds that occur when a trusted individual fails to provide you with support, care, or protection during a time of need. Attachment injuries often arise from experiences of betrayal, abandonment, rejection, or neglect by your parents, caregivers, or romantic partners. In my experience, we all have an attachment wound, albeit of varying degrees, because no childhood is perfect. But when these wounds disrupt your sense of safety, trust, and connection that are foundational to healthy relationships, they can often develop an insecure attachment.
Read MoreWhen we feel powerless, our internal system develops protective mechanisms as a survival strategy. These protective parts emerge with the noble intention of preventing future harm, manifesting in a wide spectrum of behaviors. What might appear on the surface as problematic—whether it's perfectionism, people-pleasing, excessive caretaking, or more extreme responses like addiction and self-harm—are actually sophisticated survival strategies developed by our internal parts to shield us from potential pain.
Read MoreThe term “life transition” may bring to mind the sudden, dramatic shift into the great unknown we endure as young adults. But life transitions take many forms and happen at every stage of life. Common examples include pursuing higher education, moving, changing careers, getting married, getting divorced, becoming a parent, and retiring. Such turning points tend to evoke an array of emotions that can be overwhelming.
Often, people turn to therapy for help managing their overwhelm. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic modality that is particularly well-suited to navigating life transitions in two ways: through Parts Work and Self Leadership.
Read MoreIn Internal Family Systems (IFS), these protective coping mechanisms are called protectors—aspects or parts of our personalities that help us stabilize and/or soothe so that we hopefully navigate life with more ease and an increased sense of safety.
Read MoreLiving with ADHD presents unique challenges that can impact various aspects of life. From struggling with time management to navigating social interactions, ADHDers often face a complex web of internal and external pressures. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a compassionate and effective approach to addressing these challenges, helping individuals with ADHD develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their experiences.
Read MoreHave you wished your partner did things differently, whether that meant being more open with you or spending more time with you or something else entirely, and you kept getting hit with disappointment after disappointment because your wishes simply weren't coming true?
If so, your relationship might be impacted by resentment.
Read MoreEven though we may intend to show up completely authentically with our therapist (and we may wholeheartedly believe we are doing this), our protectors might be taking up more space than we realize. The part of us that seeks out therapy may not be the one that sits in the therapy room. The part of us who really needs to be heard may not be the one doing the talking. It's unrealistic to assume that our protective parts would suddenly relinquish control, even if we genuinely connect with our therapist.
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