Untangling Identity from Career
“I don’t want to be an engineer anymore. But then, who would I be?”
“When I got laid off, I didn’t just lose my job -- I lost myself.”
“If my business doesn’t succeed, I am a failure.”
Many of my clients discuss career-related stressors. While their industries, backgrounds, and lived experiences vary widely, almost all of them share a commonality:
A big part of our Identity seems inextricably linked to our profession.
It’s no coincidence that people with so little in common on the surface can share such a core belief. After all, their struggles are not individual – they are cultural. We live in a society that teaches us to define ourselves by what we do. For many, that also means our worth is tied to how much we earn.
The emergence of identity, salary, and career is not natural or neutral – it’s a product of capitalism, which rewards individualism and upward mobility at the expense of human connection and well-being.
Internalized capitalistic beliefs can manifest in various ways:
The professional artist who feels like a failure when their work doesn’t sell
The stay-at-home parent who feels inferior for not contributing financially
The laid-off tech worker who questions their purpose.
These thoughts aren’t pathological – they’re understandable responses to a system that conflates making money with a human being’s inherent value.
In Internal Family Systems, such beliefs are referred to as “cultural burdens.”
Part of my work with clients involves helping them acknowledge the aspects of themselves that carry these burdens. An overburdened manager may exhibit a part that expresses a belief like, “If I don’t make six figures, I’m worthless.” Or a well-meaning firefighter part may say, “I must constantly work to have value.”
One of the most healing realizations in IFS is that you are not your parts. And you are definitely not your job.
There is a Self in you – calm, curious, compassionate – that exists beyond your title or productivity. When we access that Self, there’s often a profound sense of relief. We can reconnect with the truth that we are inherently worthy, not because of what we do, but because of who we are.
This doesn’t mean quitting your job or devaluing your career. It means untangling who you are from what you do. Work can be meaningful; it can even be a place of expression and growth. But it can’t be the entire container for your identity.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to get curious:
What parts of you feel pressure to achieve, succeed, or “be someone”?
What do these parts believe about your worth?
Can you offer these parts some compassion -- not to get rid of them, but to let them know that they don’t have to carry these burdens alone?
Listening to these parts with curiosity and an open heart is the first step toward distinguishing who you are from the cultural messages you’ve received about who you are. When we can help these burdened parts soften, we can begin to distance ourselves from the belief that our value is tied to our career, and reclaim the space to define our worth on our own terms. In therapy and in life, that is sacred work.
Start Working With an IFS Therapist on career identity in Highland Park, CA
Many people benefit from working with an IFS-informed therapist to navigate career dissatisfaction. If you are ready to start your therapy journey, our team of caring therapists is happy to offer support from our Highland Park, CA-based practice. Simply: Our team of IFS trained and IFS-informed therapists is happy to offer support from our Highland Park, CA-based practice. Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
Speak with an IFS therapist regarding career stress, burnout, and transitions.
Navigate your career with confidence!
Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig
At Therapy on Fig, we provide therapy services tailored to the unique needs of couples and individuals. In addition to IFS Therapy, we also offer Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Couples Therapy, Teen Therapy, Neurodivergent Affirming, and Grief and loss therapy in Highland Park, CA. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your journey to a better relationship for you and your partner.
Janelle Malak is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT #144798), supervised by Philip Chang, LCSW #92156. As someone who became a parent and changed careers in my late 30s, I understand the challenges of giving yourself permission to evolve. My own therapist helped me navigate the emotional landscape of “beginning again” – it is a frightening, overwhelming place to be, especially in midlife. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.