From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion: An IFS Approach to Disordered Eating
Understanding Internal Family Systems: A New Lens on Disordered Eating
As an IFS-informed therapist, my approach to working with disordered eating centers on curiosity, compassion, and connection with my client's internal system. I view disordered eating not as the problem itself, but as a protective strategy employed by parts of the Self trying to manage overwhelming emotions or unmet needs. I might ask…
"When you notice the urge to binge or restrict, can you sense what that part of you is trying to achieve or protect you from?"
My goal is to help you shift from self-judgment to curiosity, opening space to understand the protective role of these behaviors.
"How do you feel towards the part of you that's critical about your body?"
This helps identify if a harsh inner critic is present and whether you can approach that part with compassion rather than blending with its judgment.
I might also ask, "If that part of you didn't have to work so hard to manage these feelings, what do you imagine might be possible for you?"
Here, I want to explore your deeper hopes and values and help you envision a life beyond the constraints of disordered eating.
Through this process, you will begin to recognize that these parts are not the enemy—they're protectors implementing a strategy that makes sense to them, even if their methods are harmful. Our work focuses on unburdening these parts so that healthier, self-led strategies can emerge.
Trapped in the Cycle: The Pain of a Strained Relationship with Food and Exercise
If you are struggling with disordered eating, your relationship with food and/or exercise has likely become a relentless cycle of control, guilt, and shame. You may feel a deep sense of not feeling "good enough."
Beneath the surface behaviors—whether it's restriction, bingeing, over-exercising, or purging—lie common core themes that often emerge in therapy: a deep sense of unworthiness, perfectionism, fear of failure, and an overwhelming need for control in the face of internal chaos. My clients frequently describe feeling disconnected from their bodies, viewing them as objects to be managed rather than homes to be lived in. A critical inner voice (sounds like a familiar caregiver, perhaps?) often equates self-worth with appearance, productivity, or discipline, creating an impossible standard that fosters self-judgement and emotional isolation.
The cycles of control, guilt, and shame:
Underlying emotional trigger—(anxiety, loneliness, or inadequacy)
——->
Activates protective parts striving to manage or suppress these uncomfortable emotions
——->
Coping strategy behaviors like food restriction, over-exercising, or rigid control around eatin
——->
Physical and/or emotional exhaustion leading to binge eating and emotional eating
——>
The harsh inner critic uses shaming tactics
——>
Cycle repeats
This cycle is not just about food or exercise—it's about the painful and wounded parts that these behaviors are trying to soothe or suppress, such as loneliness, grief, or unresolved trauma. Recognizing these underlying themes helps shift the focus from "fixing" yourself to healing the emotional wounds that drive them.
The Role of Protectors and Exiles in Self-Criticism and Eating Patterns
In the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework, disordered eating often reflects the complex dynamics between protectors and exiles within a person's internal system.
Protectors—such as the harsh inner critic, the perfectionist, or the controller—emerge to manage vulnerability and prevent the emotional pain carried by exiled parts from surfacing. These protectors might enforce rigid food rules, drive compulsive exercise, or shame the individual after eating, all to maintain control or avoid feelings of inadequacy.
Beneath these protective strategies lies the…
Exiles—parts burdened with painful emotions like shame, rejection, fear, or unworthiness, often rooted in early relational wounds or traumatic experiences. For example, an exile might carry the belief, "I'm not lovable unless I'm perfect," while a protector rigidly enforces restrictive eating to uphold that illusion of perfection.
In therapy, the goal isn't to fight against these parts or try to get rid of them, but to build relationships with them, understanding their roles with love and compassion. By helping protectors trust in your growing capacity for self-leadership, and gently unburdening exiled parts, individuals can move toward healing, where food and body are no longer battlegrounds but expressions of care and connection.
Healing from Within: Cultivating Self-Compassion Through IFS
You can find freedom—not just from harmful behaviors, but from the relentless inner battles that fuel them. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, healing is rooted in cultivating self-compassion and reconnecting with your authentic Self, the innate source of wisdom, calm, and care within us all. Some goals you may have include feeling at peace with food, developing a kinder relationship with your body, and breaking free from the grip of perfectionism and self-judgment. You will learn to approach your protective parts with curiosity rather than fear, understanding that these parts are not enemies but misguided protectors trying to help.
Work through attachment wounds with IFS therapy in Los Angeles, CA, Today!
You can build compassionate relationships with your inner world and experience a profound shift: self-worth is no longer tied to appearance or control but is grounded in inherent value. The hope is not just to "fix" behaviors but to foster a sense of wholeness, where food, body, and emotions are met with acceptance, trust, and care. IFS Therapy in Highland Park, CA, can provide you with the support and tools you need. Take steps to work with an IFS therapist at Therapy on Fig who specializes in working with trauma.
Speak with an Internal Family Systems therapist.
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Other Therapy Services Offered at Therapy on Fig in Los Angeles, Highland Park, and Throughout California
At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of couples and individuals. In addition to Trauma Therapy, we also offer Couples Therapy in Highland Park, CA, Therapy for Empaths, Teens Therapy, and Grief and Loss Therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your journey to a better relationship with yourself!
Gabriella Elise Giorgio is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT 140682), supervised by Sharon Yu. As a highly sensitive person and a mother, she helps individuals recover from childhood attachment injuries, couples navigate significant life changes, and women facing pregnancy and postpartum anxieties. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.