Using IFS to Navigate Life Transitions
“The only constant in life is change.” - Heraclitus
Change is an integral part of maturing and living a fulfilling life. In childhood, major transitions are typically scripted for us: we attend elementary, then middle, and then high school. But what comes next? Suddenly becoming an adult and responsible for the direction of your life can be exhilarating, confusing, anxiety-inducing…
The term “life transition” may bring to mind the sudden, dramatic shift into the great unknown we endure as young adults. But life transitions take many forms and happen at every stage of life. Common examples include pursuing higher education, moving, changing careers, getting married, getting divorced, becoming a parent, and retiring. Such turning points tend to evoke an array of emotions that can be overwhelming.
Often, people turn to therapy for help managing their overwhelm. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic modality that is particularly well-suited to navigating life transitions in two ways: through Parts Work and Self Leadership.
Parts Work
The emotional landscape of change is rich and nuanced. By getting to know each part of you that arises in reaction to change, you will be better equipped to navigate tumultuous periods. Common examples of parts that may be active during a life transition include:
Fear: Part of you may be afraid of change. This part could be apprehensive of the unknown, or worried about losing something: a relationship, a status, an identity. This part may have difficulty accepting uncertainty.
Grief: When we say “yes” to one choice, we inevitably say “no” to another. Leaving parts of our old life behind can evoke feelings of sadness. Grief may even arise over a loss of potential. This part may have difficulty accepting loss.
Resentment: Change isn’t always our choice. If your life is changing due to external circumstances, a part that harbors resentment may demand attention. This part may have difficulty accepting a lack of control.
Excitement: Transitions can be positive, too! Part of you may hold joyful anticipation for the change ahead. However, this part may have difficulty getting the attention it deserves due to the size and strength of more challenging parts.
These parts and more may be simultaneously active in your system during periods of change. IFS is uniquely suited to help you honor and detangle such complex and sometimes conflicting emotions. When we focus inward and attune to these parts, they tend to relax and become less overwhelming.
Self Leadership
Another way IFS helps to navigate life transitions is through Self-leadership. In IFS, the Self is the core of your being — an innately wise, curious, and compassionate leader. Some people like to think of their Self as an ideal parent to their parts, who are their inner children.
In IFS, much of the work is dedicated to witnessing our parts from the perspective of Self. When we are able to form strong relationships with our parts, they begin to trust us to lead our system. Being Self-led means that we are able to feel our feelings without being overwhelmed by them. In turn, our grief and resentment don’t feel so acute, the unknown doesn’t feel so scary, and our excitement can shine through.
Start working with an IFS-informed therapist in Highland Park
Many people benefit from working with an IFS-informed therapist to navigate challenging life transitions. If you are ready to start your therapy journey, our team of caring therapists is happy to offer support from our Highland Park, CA-based practice. Simply:
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Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig
At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of couples and individuals. In addition to IFS Therapy, we offer Grief and loss therapy in Highland Park, CA, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, and Couples therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, and burnout related to life transitions or existing as a neurodivergent person. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your journey to a better relationship for you and your partner.
Janelle Malak is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT #144798), supervised by Sharon Yu. As someone who became a parent and changed careers in my late 30s, I understand the challenges of giving yourself permission to evolve. My own therapist helped me navigate the emotional landscape of “beginning again” – it is a frightening, overwhelming place to be, especially in midlife. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.