I don't want to make the wrong decision.
I don’t want to make the wrong decision.
“I don’t feel like myself right now.”
“Am I making the right decision?”
“The old me would be able to get through this easily. Why can’t I be that person right now?”
These are some statements and questions I often hear working with clients who are going through life transitions, experiencing change, or who feel lost and wonder what direction their lives are going.
Changes and transitions place us in a position of experiencing something new and unfamiliar. Sometimes these moments feel similar to what we have navigated in the past, and we can see a path forward. Clarity is present. Decision making comes with ease. We feel like ourselves.
Other times the change or transition feels so unknown that we become overwhelmed with making the right choice. Scared and anxious if our decisions will put us on the wrong path into a greater unknown than what we are experiencing now. It feels like being in a thick fog or a dark room. There’s a sense of urgency to make a choice; to find a way out and regain a sense of control. Decision-making feels exhausting and brings fatigue. We might begin to question ourselves.
Consider reflecting on your values if you feel overwhelmed in times of change and transition. Values are what we believe to be important in how we live and lead our lives. Some examples of values are:
Community
Connection
Curiosity
Compassion
Security
Significance
Meaning
Excitement
Power
Values are a roadmap. When you find yourself wondering if you’re making the right decision or choice. Consider asking yourself, how does this decision or choice help me live in alignment with my values? Even though you may not know the path ahead, taking a moment to pause and assess if you’re living by your values can be a helpful guide.
Values remind us of who we are. As you explore and identify your current values, also take the time to reflect on how long you have held that value. At what age did I begin to have this value? might be a question to reflect on. This can be a helpful reminder that even though you may not feel like yourself at this moment, a core part of you continues to be present.
Values remind us of who we want to be. When we reflect on our values, we also allow ourselves to explore what we envision for ourselves and how we desire to show up in the world. We get to practice what it feels like to be someone who takes risks, is honest, or be someone who is committed. What would you want to say if you were to describe yourself a few weeks, months, or years from now? What values do you want to begin living by?
Values are ever-changing. The values you identify today may be around for years or may change over time as you have new experiences and build new relationships. Take time every so often to revisit and touch base with your values.
Change and transition can be scary, especially when we have no idea what to expect or when we fear the worst possible outcome. However, when we take a moment to pause, we allow ourselves to connect to our values and reflect on how we can live in alignment with them.
Chris Datiles is an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor. As a recovering people pleaser, he supports clients in attuning to their needs, identifying their boundaries, and unlearning old patterns so that they can enjoy their creativity without burning out.