I’m Worried I’m Not Making Progress in Therapy
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I'm Worried I'm Not Making Progress in Therapy
"It feels like I'm taking 2 steps forward, 3 steps back."
"Am I doing enough in these sessions?"
"I totally reverted to old patterns during that argument; I'm really disappointed with myself."
These are a few things I hear from clients who are wrestling with their growth in therapy. Part of therapy often deconstructs what it means to be "productive." In a culture that predominantly values hustle and progress, it's no wonder these themes come up in therapy.
If you find yourself worrying about the "productivity" of your therapy sessions, here are a few things to consider reflecting on and processing with your therapist:
How can I celebrate my readiness for change and be open to the possibility it may take time? Starting therapy is hard. It takes courage, humility, and a readiness for change, which is not always easy to admit. I hope you can celebrate your willingness to say, "This isn't working for me anymore; I need to try something else." A gentle reminder I like to give clients is that you've had your whole life to develop roles, patterns, responses, etc., and we get to spend one hour a week together working through these; it's naturally going to take some time to see change. So how can I celebrate my readiness for change by identifying the reflections and time it took to get here?
What does being productive mean to me? What would I want it to look like in therapy?
Can you identify the value or meaning you attach to being productive? How might your family and/ or community view productivity? What might we be worried will happen if we are not "productive" in sessions? Answering these questions can help us identify how to define productivity and why we feel bad when we're not.
A "productive" session may look like identifying the underlying reasons why our inner critic shows up, role-playing a boundary-setting conversation with a parent, or processing grief around a strained relationship with a sibling.
When we consider what it means to track progress, check in regularly about how we've met our goals (and if not, what may have been barriers to this?), keep track of what triggers us during the week, and notice how our responses change over time.
If therapy takes time, what are some new ways of defining progress and success? The part of you seeking change is what's brought you to therapy; are there other ways of defining change? Productivity is so often associated with seeing results quickly and operating at a fast pace. Maybe small changes are happening within yourself you can honor. This could look like this:
-Learning to process emotions and see how this helps us make sense of our experience and make decisions that we feel good about
-Identifying when we need rest before reaching a breaking point
-Noticing we can show curiosity towards our emotions rather than judgment
-Choosing to step back in a situation that may usually trigger our inner people-pleaser
-Practice trusting a safe person in our life to say what they mean vs. feeling pressure to be a "mind-reader."
In the therapy session structure, this may look like setting an intention for each week (e.g., I want to practice expressing my needs to my partner this week). It may also look like challenging yourself while in session (e.g., sitting with an uncomfortable emotion; tuning into your body). These are ways we can redefine our sense of growth and progress.