Positive psychology has shifted our understanding of mental health, offering valuable tools to counteract our brain's natural negativity bias. Among these tools, positive self-talk and affirmations have gained widespread popularity—and for good reason. For many people, the practice of consciously replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can create a sense of relief and potentially more lasting change, too.

In fact, many mainstream therapeutic approaches leverage this focus on the cognitive, teaching clients to notice negative thought patterns and systematically replace them with more balanced perspectives. The process is straightforward: catch the thought, challenge it, and choose a more helpful alternative. Through repetition, these new thought patterns can become habitual, creating new neural pathways that can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

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When Affirmations Create Inner Conflict

However, for others, positive affirmations can paradoxically create more distress. Rather than feeling empowered, they experience cognitive dissonance—an uncomfortable tension that arises when conflicting beliefs are held simultaneously within. The more vigorously one part of themselves attempts to embrace positive thinking, the more resistant another part becomes, as if an internal rebellion is taking place.

This resistance isn't stubborn defiance or self-sabotage. It's actually a protective response from parts of ourselves that have learned to rely on vigilance, worry, or negative thinking as survival strategies. These parts hold their positions because, from their perspective, their strategies have been essential for safety and protection, even when those strategies may no longer serve us in our current circumstances.

Understanding Internal Conflict Through an IFS Lens

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a profound framework for understanding this inner conflict. Rather than viewing resistant thoughts as problems to be eliminated, IFS invites us to approach them with curiosity and compassion. This therapeutic model recognizes that every human is born with a core Self—our essential nature that embodies qualities like compassion, creativity, curiosity, confidence, courage, calm, connectedness, and clarity.

The parts of us that gravitate toward positive self-talk are often what IFS calls "helper parts" or "manager parts." These well-intentioned aspects of our psyche work tirelessly to keep us functioning and feeling good. However, because they feel so aligned with our positive intentions, they can be harder to recognize as parts rather than our core Self.

We can distinguish between our core Self and a helper part by noticing the quality of urgency or agenda behind the positive thinking. A helper part might rush in to move us away from discomfort, essentially trying to pull us away from vulnerable parts that might need our attention most. While these helper parts deserve our gratitude and respect for their dedication, they also need to feel the deeper trust that comes from allowing space to fully experience what we're going through—ensuring no part of us gets left behind.

The Invitation of Inner Resistance

When we encounter resistance to our positive affirmations, it's actually an invitation to lean in with curiosity. What is this resistant part trying to protect? What did it learn about the world that made its strategy seem necessary? These parts often hold memories of times when optimism felt dangerous, when hope led to disappointment, or when positive thinking felt like a betrayal of painful experiences that needed acknowledgment.

In IFS, we understand that while our parts can support the healing process, it's our connection with core Self that actually facilitates deep healing. This is because our core Self has no agenda other than healing and being in an authentic relationship with all of our parts. This absence of pressure and expectations creates the safe space necessary for genuine transformation.

With the support of an attuned IFS therapist, we can learn to understand not only our protective parts but also, once we've earned their trust, we can be present with our most vulnerable parts—often called "exiles" in IFS language. Sometimes our presence alone is exactly what these vulnerable parts need to heal. Other times, they need us to witness and hold their feelings fully before they can release them and trust in our capacity to navigate life with greater confidence.

Finding the Right Place for Positive Self-Talk

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Once this deeper healing work has been addressed, positive self-talk can find its rightful place in our healing journey. Rather than being a strategy to override or suppress difficult parts, affirmations become a way for encouraging parts of ourselves to remind the entire system of what we now genuinely believe to be true. The difference is profound: instead of fighting against parts of ourselves, we're supporting the integration of new beliefs that have been earned through healing and self-understanding.

This integrated approach honors both the wisdom of positive psychology and the complexity of human experience. It recognizes that lasting healing often requires us to go deeper than surface-level cognitive changes, creating space for all parts of ourselves to be seen, understood, and ultimately, transformed through the compassionate presence of our core Self.

Start working with an IFS Therapist in Highland Park, Los Angeles

This integrated approach honors both the wisdom of positive psychology and the complexity of human experience. It recognizes that lasting healing often requires us to go deeper than surface-level cognitive changes, creating space for all parts of ourselves to be seen, understood, and ultimately, transformed through the compassionate presence of our core Self. Reach out to schedule a complimentary, 15-minute consultation with an IFS therapist.

Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig

At Therapy on Fig, we provide therapy services tailored to the unique needs of couples and individuals. In addition to IFS Therapy, we offer Grief and loss therapy in Highland Park, CA, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Therapy for Highly Sensitive People, Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy, Therapy for Teens, and Couples therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, depression, communication issues in your partnerships, stress management, and burnout related to life transitions or career decisions. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and build a loving relationship with yourself.

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