“If I’m not critical or harsh on myself, I will fall behind.”
As the oldest Asian sibling who grew up in Asia, I’m no stranger to this thought. In my past lives before becoming a therapist, when I worked in the entertainment and corporate worlds, I operated from this belief. And now, even in my anxious moments (therapists have bad days too!), this part of me slips into old habits because it’s the ‘safest’ way to motivate me to be better.
Read MoreA therapy intensive is a focused, immersive experience that helps you move through specific, targeted issues in a shorter period of time. If weekly therapy sessions are like rehearsals - where you practice relational skills and revisit the same materials to deepen your understanding and compassion towards your parts in the play - then an intensive is like a healing retreat for the parts of you that have desired an intentional time and space to be attended to.
Read MoreReligious deconstruction movement, particularly in the American context, has largely been shaped and pioneered by white voices. When many people read the stories and memoirs that describe these deconstruction journeys, a common thread emerges: the decision to choose individual freedom over remaining in community. For the BIPOC community, the faith community is often deeply intertwined with culture and family. Walking away doesn’t simply mean leaving a belief system; it can mean risking connection, heritage, and the social fabric that has shaped one’s life.
Read MoreIn ATK environments, parts of us that cope by creating distance through movement are often normalised, even reinforced, by a shared culture of leaving. But in adulthood, this fragmentation tends to surface more clearly as relationships require authenticity, congruence, and self-awareness. Maturity asks something different of us: the capacity to stay, to remain present, and to repair relational ruptures as they arise.
Read MoreIn IFS, we talk about tapping into Self-energy to guide ourselves and our parts. Self-energy is the ultimate embodiment of yin/yang energy. When we are in Self, we have the wisdom and connectedness to access our ‘yang’ for confidence, clarity, and courage, or our ‘yin’ for curiosity, calmness, and creativity.
Read MoreSo what's the real issue? What are you really trying to say to your partner? What are you not saying to the person who knows you intimately?
And the responsibility for communication isn't just on the speaker, but on the listener too. What, or when, are you unable to receive when your partner speaks? There was a time when love was passionate, and every word out of your loved one's mouth was cherished, so why did you stop listening?
Here are 3 ways to begin understanding the communication issues you're facing…
Read MoreBut as we’ve moved toward a more secular, individualistic world, away from religious institutions and cultural roots, with the nuclear family valued above the “village,” purpose has become a personal endeavor. No one gets to tell you what your purpose is anymore. You get to create it.
When you grow up identifying as a Third Culture Kid (TCK), it's hard to imagine one day becoming an Adult Third Culture Kid (ATCK). (It's me. I'm one of them!) But just as all kids eventually grow into adults, third culture kids do, too. And with that shift comes a new layer of complexity to an already complex childhood.
Read MoreWe were always aware of the intercultural differences—he being of Puerto Rican and Nicaraguan heritage and having spent his whole life on American soil, me being Malaysian-Chinese who’s lived through a mixture of Eastern and Western influences in different countries and cities. We spent most of our dating life long-distance, so we rarely were ‘seen’ together. But as we reflected on that moment together, we realized another layer to our relationship we needed to unpack: Others see us first as an interracial couple.
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