Using IFS to Work with Attachment Injuries
Attachment injuries refer to emotional wounds that occur when a trusted individual fails to provide you with support, care, or protection during a time of need. Attachment injuries often arise from experiences of betrayal, abandonment, rejection, or neglect by your parents, caregivers, or romantic partners. In my experience, we all have an attachment wound, albeit of varying degrees, because no childhood is perfect. But when these wounds disrupt your sense of safety, trust, and connection that are foundational to healthy relationships, they can often develop an insecure attachment.
Addressing these wounds in therapy often involves rebuilding trust, exploring unmet needs, and fostering healthier relational dynamics. Internal Family Systems offers a compassionate approach to healing attachment wounds by addressing the inner system of parts and the roles that they develop in response.
Parts Work and Attachment Style
Now, let's take a look at the types of roles and burdens your inner parts will take on due to your attachment style.
Are you anxiously attached?
This can manifest as a system of parts working to protect you from feelings of abandonment or rejection.
The People Pleaser or Fawning Part
Works hard to keep others close by prioritizing their needs and minimizing your own.
It may fear that the relationship will be jeopardized if it doesn't accommodate others.
The Hypervigilant Part
Constantly scanning for signs of rejection, abandonment, or inconsistency in relationships.
It might interpret neutral behaviors (e.g., a delayed text) as signs that the person is pulling away.
The Catastrophizing Part
Assume the worst-case scenario in your relationships (e.g., "They'll leave me" or "I'm unlovable").
It may work to prepare you for perceived emotional pain or rejection.
Internalizes blame for relational difficulties, telling you, "You're too needy" or "You're not good enough."
It seeks to preempt rejection by encouraging the person to "fix" themselves.
The Needy Inner Child
A young, vulnerable part that feels desperate for love, reassurance, and connection.
It might show up as intense longing or fear of being left alone.
Are you avoidantly attached?
This can manifest as a collection of protective parts designed to maintain emotional distance and self-reliance.
The Independent and/or Avoidant Part
Maintains a sense of self-sufficiency and autonomy by discouraging reliance on others and preventing closeness to avoid potential pain or rejection
It might show up with thoughts like "I don't need anyone" or avoid commitment or deep conversations
The Emotional Suppressor
Numbs or minimizes emotions to avoid feeling overwhelmed or vulnerable.
It may shut down feelings like sadness, fear, or longing by masking them with logic or distraction.
The Task-Oriented Part
Creates a sense of control and shields the person from relational demands.
It looks like a focus on achieving, working, or productivity to avoid emotional connection and intimacy.
The Inner Critic Part
Enforces self-reliance by discouraging vulnerability.
This part judges the person for expressing emotions or seeking closeness through thoughts like "Don't be so needy" or "You're weak for wanting connection."
The Cynical Part
Distrusts others and questions their motives in relationships to shield the person from disappointment by assuming the worst
It promotes thoughts like "People only care about themselves" or "They'll leave if I let them in."
Are you anxiously-avoidantly attached?
This can manifest as a complex inner system where your parts hold conflicting roles and emotions (called polarization), leading to a lot of inner chaos. You probably have parts listed in both categories above. In addition, you may have:
The Chaotic Protester
Acts out in relationships to express unmet needs or frustrations by attempting to get attention or test the reliability of relationships.
This part can swing between clinginess and withdrawal, anger and fear, or idealization and devaluation of others.
The Fearful Protector
Keeps you on high alert, scanning for danger in relationships
It may distrust others, assume betrayal, or sabotage relationships before they deepen.
The Numbing Part
Disconnects you from overwhelming emotions or memories.
This part uses avoidance, denial, or dissociation to cope with triggers related to past relational trauma.
Every system, regardless of attachment style, will likely have a deeply vulnerable and wounded part, such as a Shamed Inner Child:
Holds the deep feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness that stem from past relational wounds.
This young part makes you feel like you are unlovable.
Healing with IFS
IFS is attachment taken inside; into the internal family. While your parts are the children of your internal family system, your Self is the parent - just like mom/dad is the parent of your outer family system. In IFS therapy, healing involves creating a sense of internal safety and Self-leadership. The steps include:
Unblending from Parts: Helping you differentiate your core Self (the calm, curious, and compassionate center) from your protective or wounded parts.
Building Trust: Fostering collaboration among your parts to create a more cohesive, balanced system that feels safe enough to explore intimacy and connection.
Reassuring Protectors: Gently understanding and reassuring parts like the People Pleaser or the Fearful Protector that their vigilance is no longer necessary.
Healing Wounds: Supporting your wounded and vulnerable parts, such as the Shamed Inner Child, in releasing burdens from past relational trauma.
Work through attachment wounds with IFS therapy in Los Angeles, CA, Today!
By engaging with your inner system and offering your parts patience, understanding, love, and acceptance, your insecurely attached parts can create a secure attachment to your Self. They will let go of the need for a "do-over" outside yourself, breaking the unconscious cycle of recreating the past. This healing process creates space for healthier and more fulfilling relationships with both oneself and others. IFS Therapy in Highland Park, CA, can provide you with the support and tools you need. Take steps to work with an IFS therapist at Therapy on Fig who specializes in working with trauma.
Speak with an Internal Family Systems therapist.
See how IFS therapy can help you heal!
Other Therapy Services Offered at Therapy on Fig in Los Angeles, Highland Park, and Throughout California
At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of couples and individuals. In addition to Trauma Therapy, we also offer Couples Therapy in Highland Park, CA, Therapy for Empaths, and Grief and Loss Therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your journey to a better relationship with yourself!
Gabriella Elise Giorgio is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT 140682), supervised by Sharon Yu. As a highly sensitive person and a mother, she helps individuals recover from childhood attachment injuries, couples navigate significant life changes, and women facing pregnancy and postpartum anxieties. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.