Anxiety, in the traditional sense, is oriented toward future threat - what might go wrong. Autistic rumination is often oriented toward clarity about the past or present - what actually happened and whether it was understood correctly.
This is often why reassurance doesn’t bring much relief. The system isn’t asking to be soothed as much as it’s trying to understand. What’s being sought isn’t comfort, but clarity - something that allows the interaction to feel complete.
Read MoreReassurance doesn’t reduce anxiety when the environment still requires performance. Cognitive reframing doesn’t calm the body when vigilance remains necessary. Even coping skills can unintentionally increase self-monitoring.
When anxiety persists despite insight and effort, women often assume they’re failing. More often, the system is simply responding to unchanged demands.
Read MoreIf you grew up autistic without knowing it, you likely learned early that the world responded more warmly when you hid certain parts of yourself. Maybe you softened your voice, monitored your facial expressions, copied social cues, or worked hard to appear “easy,” “low-maintenance,” or agreeable. These adaptations weren’t vanity or superficial - they were survival.
Read MoreAs children, we may have noticed we were praised for being “cute,” “pretty,” “good,” or “well-behaved,” and scolded, ignored, or shamed when we weren’t. Our bodies were consistently commented on. We were told to smile more. We were told what clothes looked good on us and which did not. Maybe you were bullied at school (I certainly was!) and your appearance was the focus. Somewhere along the way, the body became a container for worth. A protector part stepped in and you began to believe that if you looked how everyone wanted you to look, you would feel safe.
Read MoreIn Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we see that eating struggles are rarely about food.
They’re about protection.
Early experiences, especially the ones that left us feeling unseen, unsafe, or not enough, can plant the seeds of protection. Younger parts of us carry pain, fear, or shame that once felt too heavy to hold. Other parts step in to manage that weight through control, criticism, perfectionism, or numbing. These patterns aren’t evidence of brokenness. They’re evidence of survival: of a system that found a way to keep going.
Read MoreOrthorexia is a lesser-known but increasingly common form of disordered eating that often starts from a well-intentioned place, yet can gradually consume a person’s energy, identity, and peace of mind.
Read MoreAs I work with clients experiencing body dysmorphia and disordered eating, I often witness how deeply rooted shame lives inside them. Shame doesn't appear out of nowhere - it is inherited, absorbed, and rehearsed in relationships, both personal and cultural. The parts of us that monitor our appearance, compare our bodies, restrict our appetites, or harshly criticize our physicality often have histories that extend beyond our individual lives.
Read MoreAs an IFS and IFIO (Intimacy From the Inside Out) informed therapist and someone who has explored ENM in my own life, I’ve seen how vital it is to cultivate emotional safety, not just in our relationships but within ourselves.
One of my biggest takeaways is that it matters deeply whether we speak for our parts or from them, especially when we’re navigating the emotional complexity of non-monogamy.
Read MoreOpening a relationship isn't a simple decision—it's a deeply emotional one. The reasons why couples consider it can make a significant difference in where this path takes them. Some come in feeling hopeful and aligned. Others are overwhelmed, disconnected, and trying to fix something that's been hurting for a long time.
So let's talk about the healthy reasons couples explore ENM—and the riskier ones that can quietly unravel trust…
Read MoreIf you are struggling with disordered eating, your relationship with food and/or exercise has likely become a relentless cycle of control, guilt, and shame. You may feel a deep sense of not feeling "good enough."
Beneath the surface behaviors—whether it's restriction, bingeing, over-exercising, or purging—lie common core themes that often emerge in therapy: a deep sense of unworthiness, perfectionism, fear of failure, and an overwhelming need for control in the face of internal chaos.
Read MoreRelational trauma occurs when the people we trust most—those we look to for safety, stability, love, validation, and security—are also a source of significant psychological harm. This kind of trauma most often occurs in childhood from our caregivers but can extend into adulthood, particularly with romantic partners.
Read MoreAttachment injuries refer to emotional wounds that occur when a trusted individual fails to provide you with support, care, or protection during a time of need. Attachment injuries often arise from experiences of betrayal, abandonment, rejection, or neglect by your parents, caregivers, or romantic partners. In my experience, we all have an attachment wound, albeit of varying degrees, because no childhood is perfect. But when these wounds disrupt your sense of safety, trust, and connection that are foundational to healthy relationships, they can often develop an insecure attachment.
Read MoreAs a couples therapist, I borrow Bell Hook's definition of love. She defines love as "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." She emphasizes that love is an action, not a feeling. This means that maintaining emotional intimacy in a relationship requires thoughtful and consistent intention and corresponding action.
Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) experience the world in a uniquely intense way due to processing information more deeply, becoming easily stressed by overstimulation, having increased emotional reactivity, and heightened perception of subtleties in their surroundings. While this heightened sensitivity can be a gift, it also means that HSPs may look for some relief through substance use - and sometimes this can lead to addiction.
Read MoreParenthood is a beautiful and transformative journey that can bring immense joy and fulfillment to couples. However, this transition can also come with its fair share of challenges and adjustments.
Read MoreWe all seek connection and yearn to be supported and loved by our partners. But even with the best intentions, many times, we struggle to communicate in a way that leaves both partners feeling seen and understood. Effective communication can be worked on both in and out of Couples Therapy in Highland Park, CA. This can be done to assist couples in increasing their relationship satisfaction. Here, you can learn more about the importance of relationship communication. You can also learn more ways to improve communication with your partner.
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