The Importance of Play
Photo by Robert Collins on Unsplash
Many clients come to therapy feeling burnt out, stuck, and disillusioned by life. When working through these feelings, I often hear clients express a yearning and longing for play or engaging in an activity purely for enjoyment. Paired with this desire, I also hear concerns such as:
“I used to enjoy ___ (insert hobby), but I don’t even know if I’d enjoy that anymore.”
“When I think about starting something, I start overthinking and worrying about the outcome not being perfect.”
“What if it turns out to be a waste of time and money?”
“How do I even find the time or money for play?”
When these thoughts come up, I encourage my clients to use these as cues to tune into different parts of you.
1. Perhaps you have a part of you who fear failure.
This is common, especially if you grew up in a culture emphasizing achievement. Ask this part of yourself:
“What does it mean to ‘fail’ at this playful activity?”
“How are you defining success vs. failure in this context?”
“What are you afraid will happen if you fail?”
2. Perhaps you have a part of you who fears wasting.
You may have grown up in a culture where you were told that anything fun was a waste of time. As an Asian American child of immigrants, I was often told that play was allowed only after being productive. Play was viewed only as a luxury or reward, and engaging in play any other time was considered a waste. As a millennial, I’ve half-joked with friends that our generation feels pressure to monetize our hobbies for them to feel worthwhile. Ask this part of yourself:
“How do you know when something has been ‘wasted’?”
“How are you measuring waste vs. something worthwhile?”
“What do you fear will happen if you’ve wasted something?”
Hopefully, these questions allow room to rework and reframe our definitions of failure, success, waste, and worthiness. In her book Permission to Come Home, author Jenny Wang writes, “Whatever your life circumstances, can you find the time to allow yourself to consider how you might introduce play as a healing practice for exhaustion and as a form of medicine for our epidemic of over-functioning loneliness, and burnout?”
When we see play more as a healing practice or form of medicine, we open up opportunities to rework our relationship with play and carve alternative pathways toward healing.
If you’re looking for some practical tips to start incorporating more play in your life:
Start with brainstorming and dreaming. What did your younger self enjoy doing?
Are there activities or practices that engage creative and playful parts of you?
Can it be helpful to start with identifying ideas that are free and/or set aside a portion of your budget to invest in play?
Can it be helpful to start by setting aside a small chunk of time in your schedule dedicated to play?