Feeling Lost in Your 20s

So. You’re in your mid- to late-20s and realizing you’re not where you thought you’d be by now. Maybe you imagined that you’d have a clearer career path, a long-term partner, or feel a greater sense of purpose by this age. Instead, you’re catching yourself spending hours scrolling on social media, watching everyone else seem to have it together —and wondering why you feel like you’re falling behind. Welcome to the Quarter Life Crisis.

This discomfort might feel like a crisis, or like a quiet uncertainty lurking in the background of your day-to-day. Maybe it takes turns showing up as both. Either way, you’re not alone. Feeling lost in your 20s is incredibly common – and I might even dare say it is an essential part of the journey to finding your unique path. This stage of life is less about having everything figured out and more about getting curious. Experiment, learn what you like and dislike, and know that clarity will come when you stop trying to force it to arrive.

“Everyone else has it figured out.”

In these days of social media, it’s easier than ever to feel like everyone else has it figured out and you’re falling behind. You already know this, but sometimes it’s easy to forget that what you see online is highly curated. It’s easy to compare your complex inner world to the select glimpses of beauty others choose to share. You might also know people your age who are a few steps ahead of you in knowing what they want. Maybe your friend landed her dream job, and you’re still unsure if you have any marketable skills. Maybe there’s an influencer your age who has a gorgeous apartment and a seemingly fairytale romance that leaves you questioning, “Am I doing this wrong? How are they there already, and I’m not?” Comparing yourself like this may be the hardest part and greatest temptation of this chapter of life. And – it’s only natural.

Sound like you?

Common challenges I see with my 20-something-year-old clients are:

• Overcommitting to plans and feeling drained. This might come from a place of people pleasing (saying yes to make others happy or gain external approval), avoidance (of the fact that you’re feeling lost), or struggling with boundaries (because you’re not yet clear on what really matters to you). 

• Feeling confused over what is even wrong. Feeling like you ought to be happy, and your uncertainty means there must be something wrong with you.

• Dealing with a loud inner critic who loves to emphasize that something is indeed wrong with you, and then maybe even criticizes itself for having that thought in the first place: “I have a good life, I shouldn’t complain, I should be happy.” On top of feeling lost and confused, you feel ashamed for feeling this way.

• Spiraling, also known as overthinking, catastrophizing, and losing yourself down a train of thought that leaves you feeling bad. Life is big, and there are so many possible paths that you could take. But what if you take the wrong one? Catastrophe – we must analyze every option and choose perfectly. What if I’m not good enough? I’ll be stuck here, feeling this lostness forever. What’s the point of all of this anyway? Aren’t we just animals on a rock floating in space? Why won’t my brain just let me be happy? Something is seriously wrong, and I need help.

• Struggling with analysis paralysis to counteract the spiraling, leaving you feeling frozen. “The world’s your oyster” feels more akin to punishment than a source of inspiration. You wish that somebody would just tell you what to do. You’re already exhausted and would rather avoid this reflection altogether (insert: doomscrolling, binging a show, overcommitting to plans).

If any or all of these sound like you, that is okay. Nothing is wrong with you. Acknowledging where you’re at isn’t about judgment – it’s about awareness. Once you recognize these patterns, you can begin to take steps to find relief.

Finding your way.

So, what are you to do about all of this? Below is a general flow that you can follow to begin moving toward clarity on your path. Remember, every step you take is an essential part of the path. You are on your own unique timeline. 

1. Meet yourself where you’re at. Remove the urgency and give yourself full permission to be exactly where you are right now. Is it okay to acknowledge that there is a distance between where you are and where you’d like to be? You are in a liminal space of self-discovery. This in-between is not a failure or a waste of time; it’s a necessary part of your initiation to the other side. 

2. Explore and identify your values. They are your compass. Instead of asking, What job should I take? or What should I do with my life? Try asking: What matters most to me?  The prompts below might help you gain some clarity:

1. What topics light me up in conversations with others?

2. What do I like to spend my money on?

3. What do I feel curious about?

4. What do I feel jealous of? (Sometimes jealousy is a clue pointing you toward something you want for yourself.)

3. Move with intention. Once you have some sense of what matters to you, begin moving with intention. This doesn’t mean mapping out your entire future—it means aligning your daily choices with your values. For example, if one of your values is creativity, set aside a few hours each week to explore it. If connection is important, be intentional about cultivating relationships that nourish you deeply.

1. Set intentions for each day, week, or season. 

2. Plan your time accordingly. Take small, aligned actions toward what feels meaningful.

3. Own your time by setting boundaries that protect these intentions.

Remember:

This is a season of gathering data about yourself. Every experience, whether it works out or not, is an opportunity to gain more clarity and self-understanding. If you are feeling drained, consider whether your energy is scattered. Slow down and come back to what matters most to you. This isn’t about rushing to figure it all out, but taking small, intentional steps in alignment with who you are. Let yourself experiment, stumble, and learn. There’s no such thing as failure when you are moving from the heart.

Finally, a few reminders as you walk this path:

• Patience. This is part of being in your 20s. Take your time. The slower you move, the more authenticity you can infuse into your path.

• Honor this chapter. Even if it feels messy, it’s a gift to have the space to explore, learn, and play.

• Focus on the feeling rather than the tangibles. Instead of obsessing over external milestones, ask: What feeling am I working toward? Freedom? Stability? Belonging? And then ask: How can I bring that feeling into my life today, even in small ways?

• Return to presence. Yes, set your goals and daydream about your dream life. And, come back to the present moment – where the intentional action and experience of living truly happens. 

• Have fun. You’re only in your 20s once! Remember to play ~ so that you have life force energy to draw from.

If you’ve made it to the bottom of this post, invitation here to take a slow, deep breath. Give yourself permission to be in this in-between. You are not behind—you’re exactly where you need to be.

Work with a Therapeutic Guide at Therapy on Fig in Los Angeles, CA, Today!

Here at Therapy on Fig, we have therapists who specialize in this transitional period of life. Follow the steps below to connect with a values-based and mindfulness-informed therapist today:

• Reach out to schedule a free consultation. 

• Speak with a compassionate, non-pathologizing therapist.

• Find support as you navigate your 20s, today!

Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig

At Therapy on Fig, we offer therapy services that fit the unique needs of teens, adults, and couples. We provide Teen Therapy in Highland Park, CA We also offer Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Grief and Loss Therapy, and Couples Therapy. We also address related issues such as anxiety, stress management, self-esteem, and relationship issues. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services and to begin your path to healing, agency, and peace.

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Marina Mendes is a Registered Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (#15511) supervised by Sharon Yu, LMFT (#50028).  As a mixed-race Asian American queer woman, introvert, and Highly Sensitive Person, my healing work is shaped by a deep understanding of what it means to feel "othered." I support individuals who feel misunderstood, embrace multifaceted identities, and value multicultural awareness. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.