The Quiet Acts of Bravery
"Why do I always feel like I'm in survival mode?"
"If I’m ever happy, I'm constantly worried about the next shoe to drop."
"What's it like to just...be normal?"
If you’ve ever had these thoughts, you are not alone. They are the quiet, persistent aftershocks of trauma—the feeling of being overwhelmed, numb, and disconnected from the world. It’s a hand of cards you never asked for, and some days, the weight of the past can feel like a burden you carry alone.
We live in a culture obsessed with self-actualization, a world that demands you “fix” yourself on a rigid timeline. This mentality creates a judgmental, linear perspective of healing—a race to the finish line that doesn't exist. As Kristen Bell’s therapist once said, "Don’t walk ten miles into a forest and expect to get out in five." Healing is not a race. It is a process that involves taking two steps backward, then stumbling forward, and finally stumbling sideways. There will be days you need to grieve the childhood you wanted. To feel the so-called "taboo" emotions society urges you to rush through. This is not a setback; it's a necessary step.
This is where the quiet acts of bravery begin.
The Audacity of Taking a "B"
Many survivors struggle with low self-esteem and tend to overload their lives with tasks. We chase perfection in every detail, as if a flawless performance can somehow erase the past. I’ve found it’s an act of radical self-kindness to choose one area of your life—or just one task in your day, to "take a B" on. This small act is a conscious decision to give yourself permission to be imperfect. It’s about choosing yourself over the frantic pursuit of external validation.
I also like to take a mental picture of how many spoons I have today and adjust my schedule accordingly. Whenever I feel overwhelmed and life is getting too complex, I imagine myself saying, “Use simplify,” as if I were a Pokémon master. It sounds silly, but it works. The game becomes about paying attention to my own pace and energy, and consciously slowing down. If feelings like boredom or discomfort arise, I just sit with them, approaching them with curiosity.
Boring Self-Care is a Revolutionary Act.
The Power of the Small
Occupational therapist Hannah Daisy created the hashtag #BoringSelfCare to remind us that everyday acts of kindness to ourselves, such as picking up your medication, brushing your teeth, or simply remembering to breathe, are not mundane; they are vital acts of self-care. They are the scaffolding that holds you up.
When I engage in these small, quiet moments, I like to whisper to my inner child, “I see you,” or “You did that all by yourself.” It's a simple act of love. Other times, I’ll get a bit more creative. I’ll imagine I'm in a documentary, like a grandma living on an island in Japan, slowly enjoying her morning, or a farmer in the Midwest living a steady, quiet life. These small moments of mindfulness help me to be present.
The Affirmation of Self-Compassion
Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, has shown that simple, compassionate acts can soothe the nervous system, releasing calming hormones and reducing stress. Placing a supportive hand on your heart, hugging yourself, or speaking to yourself as you would to a dear friend—these aren’t just feel-good gestures. They are biological interventions.
Self-compassion is the foundation for post-traumatic growth.
Look for the traits in yourself that were forged in fire:
Creativity and Imagination
Grit and Determination
Humor
Deep Empathy
Resourcefulness
The journey of healing from trauma reminds me of Frodo and Samwise on their trek to Mordor. The movies are full of epic battles and shining victories. But they don’t show the quiet, exhausting work of a thousand small steps—the gritting-teeth bravery it takes to simply keep walking.
Likewise, showing up for therapy week after week, taking a mindful pause, or practicing small acts of self-care—these are the quiet acts of bravery. It is an honor to witness them, and like Frodo, you don’t have to go on this journey alone. :)
Rachel Kwon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #144798). She integrates Internal Family Systems (IFS), Brainspotting, and CBT techniques to help her clients access healing from the inside out. Her work makes space for her clients' pain, resilience, and the unspoken wounds and generational gifts they carry forward. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.