Practical Energy Pacing Tools for Neurodivergent Folks
As late-diagnosed or discovered clients come to terms with their neurodivergence and begin the work of unmasking, the process is both liberating and interwoven with grief. There is a juxtaposition between feeling validated in finally understanding why you always felt “different” and recognizing the realistic expectation that your nervous system functions differently from your neurotypical peers and therefore needs to be supported accordingly.
Dr. Michelle Livock and Monique Mitchelson of the Neurodivergent Woman podcast describe it as realizing that others seem to operate with a built-in GPS system, while your brain relies on external supports like a map or compass to navigate. It can also feel like recognizing that your brain’s executive functioning department is underfunded, while others’ departments are well-resourced and abundant. Dr. Megan Anna Neff, author of Autistic Burnout, uses the metaphor of neurotypicals having a nervous system like a built-in luxury sedan, while neurodivergent people may have one more like a 1970s pickup truck, with a stick shift and a sticky brake pedal.
With a unique nervous system comes the need for more intentional self-care and energy management. We can learn practical strategies from the disability and chronic illness communities, who often navigate what they call the “boom and bust” cycle, periods of overexertion when energy is high, followed by crashes of exhaustion or pain.
Below are energy pacing systems, primarily discussed by Dr. Megan Anna Neff and Dr. Tamara Rosier, author of Your Brain’s Not Broken, that can help you recognize your limits and manage your energy reserves throughout the day.
Coined in a 2003 essay by Christine Miserandino to describe her experience living with lupus, the Spoon Theory helps people with invisible disabilities or chronic conditions visualize units of energy, or “spoons.” Each person starts the day with a limited number of spoons, and everyday tasks consume them, making it easier to plan activities and manage energy throughout the day.
What tasks tend to use up the most spoons in your day?
Which basic pillars of mental health, such as nutrition, sleep, exercise, or connection, can you prioritize to ensure you have the most spoons available?
Developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, the Window of Tolerance is a visual tool that helps individuals assess whether they are in a regulated state, feeling flexible, present, and able to manage stress. Being outside this window means experiencing dysregulation, either as hyperarousal, a fight-or-flight response, hypoarousal, or a freeze response. Neurodivergent individuals, those with a trauma history, and people with disabilities or chronic illnesses often have smaller windows of tolerance, making it easier to tip into dysregulation.
How does your body indicate that you are in a hyperaroused or hypoaroused state?
What self-care strategies can help you widen your window of tolerance and stay regulated?
The Solve It Grid is a tool created by Dr. Tamara Rosier, primarily for people with ADHD. It consists of four quadrants along two axes: low effort to high effort, and low reward to high reward. It can also be reframed as not fun to fun, and not stimulating to stimulating.
The red quadrant represents tasks that are not fun but emotionally stimulating. These are often the tasks we procrastinate on and complete only under pressure or because of deadlines. The yellow quadrant includes tasks that are neither fun nor stimulating, such as mundane responsibilities like clearing the dishwasher or filing taxes. The blue quadrant covers activities that are fun but stimulating, such as scrolling through your phone or binge-watching a TV show. The green quadrant consists of activities that are both fun and stimulating and tend to refill your energy most effectively, like spending time with loved ones or working on a creative project.
Do you notice habits of staying in one quadrant or getting stuck in a pattern of two quadrants, such as red and blue?
How can you diversify your day to create a “balanced diet” of activities from all quadrants whenever possible?
The Emotional Health Ladder, created by Dr. Tamara Rosier, is similar to the Enneagram Levels of Development in that it provides markers to help you self-assess your current level of functioning. The higher rungs of the ladder represent calm and grounded emotional states, while the lower rungs indicate distress and reactivity. Level 1 represents “Present and Calm,” or optimal functioning. Level 2 represents “Attending To,” or being intentional and aware. Level 3 represents “Autopilot,” or being busy but disconnected. Level 4 represents “Survival,” or feeling emotionally flooded. Level 5 represents “Delusional,” or feeling emotionally overwhelmed and disconnected from reality.
What rung on the ladder do you most identify with in this chapter of your life?
As you recognize which rung you currently resonate with, what parts feel activated in you, and what parts need your attention?
As you may have noticed in this blog, different visuals, metaphors, and tools will resonate differently for each person. Some may prefer to imagine their units of energy as batteries, a thermometer, or a traffic light. My hope is that, along with the recognition that your nervous system is different (or “neurospicy”) from that of neurotypicals, your journey of acceptance also brings validation, community, and recognition of your superpowers.
Start working with a neurodivergent-affirming therapist in Highland Park, Los Angeles
By exploring these tools and strategies, you can better understand your limits, pace your energy, and build an intentional life that honors how you exist in the world. Our team of neurodivergent-affirming therapists is happy to offer support from our Highland Park, CA-based practice. Reach out to schedule a brief initial consultation.
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Rachel Kwon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #144798). She integrates Internal Family Systems (IFS), Brainspotting, and CBT techniques to help her clients access healing from the inside out. Her work makes space for her clients' pain, resilience, and the unspoken wounds and generational gifts they carry forward. Reach out to learn more about our experienced therapists.