Life just doesn't feel fulfilling anymore
Photo by Steven Russell on Unsplash
“Life just doesn’t feel fulfilling anymore.”
“Things are not extremely terrible, but nothing feels meaningful.”
“I have things to look forward to, but I know once it’s over, I’ll feel this way again.”
These are common sentiments I often hear from clients, regardless of age or stage of life. Often, these comments are followed by:
“I’m just complaining too much.”
“Maybe the issue is just me being discontent.”
“I should just be grateful for what I have.”
Rather than immediately dismissing or invalidating this feeling, I encourage clients to pause and get curious about feeling unfulfilled. For example, I typically encourage clients to:
Start with validating the parts of you that feel unfulfilled.
Take time to reflect on all that has happened in our world and society in the past three years alone. As a collective, we’ve faced a global pandemic, racial violence, and countless tragedies. These things can all make it easy for life to feel bleak; it makes sense that things feel meaningless.
Additionally, as you grow older and move through different seasons, your values, interests, priorities, and energy levels will naturally shift over time. Things that used to feel exciting and fulfilling just don’t feel that way anymore, and that’s okay.
Next, can we take a closer look at what this feeling might be signaling? Are there potential unmet needs below the surface?
Some possibilities might include:
1. Feeling unfulfilled signals boredom and under-stimulation.
It can often be easy to confuse the feeling of unfulfillment with feeling bored and understimulated. Might the unfulfilled feelings be related to the repetitiveness of your routine? (e.g., “All I do is work, eat, sleep, repeat. Is there more to life, or is this it?”)
Possible path step: Can you identify ways to introduce novelty to your routine? Are there activities that can utilize different “muscles” in your brain and body that you usually wouldn’t use?
2. Feeling unfilled is signaling misalignment with your core values.
Are the things you’re invested in aligned with your core values? This can be the case especially when you frequently ask, “what’s the point of this anyway?” It’s natural to feel this way when investing so much time and energy in things that aren’t aligned with what’s important to you.
Possible path step: Spend time re-evaluating your core values and normalizing that it’s okay if your current self holds different values than your past self. Core values include health, justice, adventure, compassion, stability, dependability, flexibility, and creativity. Perhaps it’s time to explore ways to pivot toward things that are more aligned with your core values.
3. Feeling unfulfilled signals a lack of purpose and a sense of potential.
We often feel fulfilled when we have a clear sense of our potential (skills, strengths, and giftings) and how these can be utilized for a meaningful purpose.
Possible path step: Spend time evaluating and identifying your strengths. Many people hope and expect to find this in their jobs; however, it’s okay if your job doesn’t feel fulfilling in this way. Are there other areas of your life where your potential can be utilized in a meaningful way? What if it’s also impactful and influential to others?
These questions, reflections, and potential path steps can act as a starting point to addressing existential melancholy and lack of fulfillment. When we approach these parts of us with curiosity and exploration, we open up potential pathways to becoming unstuck and more fulfilled.