How to make the most out of goodbyes
Photo by Sergey Shmidt on Unsplash
Whenever June comes around, I think of transitions. Students graduating on the last day of school, folks moving away from loving communities, projects wrapping up, cohorts or groups ending, and clients transitioning out of therapy. As we reach the end of something, it's common to be so consumed by ensuring we get to that endpoint that we forget to say goodbye or worry that we're not making the most out of the time we have left.
Goodbyes allow us to learn more about ourselves - what we have learned about goodbyes in the past and how we have seen them done before.
Goodbyes allow us to reflect on what people, communities, and spaces mean to us.
Goodbyes give us the opportunity to create space for the part of us that may experience pain, sadness, or gratitude in times of change, transitions, and endings. To create space for those parts in acknowledging that what exists and how it exists in this very moment will be gone forever.
How do you say goodbye to people, communities, and spaces that have been meaningful to you?
In my work with clients, whether they are experiencing a life transition, have accomplished what they've worked towards, are anticipating the passing of a loved one, or are at a point where they decide they would like to transition out of therapy, it's common for me to ask "how would you like to say goodbye?" Often I'm met with I'm not sure, what do you mean?, or I've never thought about that.
Sometimes in life, we're not given the opportunity to have a choice in how we want to say goodbye. These include moments of unexpected deaths, abandonment, wrongful terminations, or being pushed out of one's community. However, if you're allowed to have a choice in how you would like to say goodbye, I encourage you to get curious about the following:
What have I learned about goodbyes growing up? How have goodbyes been modeled for me by the people in my life?
What practices or traditions have you participated in during times of change, transition, or endings? Is there anything that you wish could have been done differently?
What do you hope to communicate when you say goodbye? What part(s) of you wants to feel heard and seen?
When given the opportunity to choose, goodbyes can be meaningful and healing experiences. They can look like conversations, gift-giving, having a shared experience one last time, writing a letter and sharing it out loud, crying and laughing in community, and so much more. Goodbyes are unique to each moment, each experience, and don't have to look the same each time. If you're going through a change, transition, or ending in your life and want to process more about what it means for you to say goodbye, set up an initial call with us. We look forward to connecting with you!
Chris Datiles is an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor. As a recovering people pleaser, he supports clients in attuning to their needs, identifying their boundaries, and unlearning old patterns so that they can enjoy their creativity without burning out.