Together and Apart: Why Couples Seek Therapy
I have been reflecting on my therapeutic work with couples and partnerships and what draws people to seek this kind of support. Some of the patterns I am noticing include:
Struggling with feelings of difference, disconnection, or distance
We all arrive at the table of relating with our own family histories, cultural backgrounds, wounds, value systems, hopes, fears, beliefs, and so on. These dynamics inform and shape the stories we hold about how our relationships are and/or how they should be. These stories serve to protect us from the feelings of uncertainty that romantic connections so frequently generate and stir, yet at times, also seem to disconnect us from our partner(s).
In therapy, couples are offered an intentional and clear container to express and process experiences of difference. In doing so, they are able to more deeply see and understand their own relational patterns, empathize with their partner(s), and find agency in articulating moments of challenge with reduced defensiveness and greater resilience.
Processing relational ruptures, boundary crossings, and infidelity
Experiences of infidelity are a common prompting point for couples to seek therapy. In this corner of the world, infidelity tends to be imagined as a physical, sexual boundary crossing outside of the relationship, but what rupture means or looks like to any given couple can extend far beyond these narrow definitions and depends greatly on the particular shape and agreement of that partnership.
In considering these ruptures in the therapeutic space, I often ask couples to explore the evolution of their relationship and how each of them understands the container and boundaries of their particular configuration. Clients frequently name feelings of deep anger, hurt, and loss of trust and share a sense of uncertainty in finding repair or navigating an ongoing relationship.
Couples may find themselves cast into the complex roles of wronged and wrong-doer, caught in processes of litigation, or searching for explanations to quell feelings of distress. As a therapist, I support clients in tending felt wounds, considering what accountability might look like or mean for their partnerships, and ultimately, envisioning their hopes for their individual and collective futures.
Traversing life transitions or change in the shape or structure of the relationship
I often hear partners express difficulty in navigating seasons of change -relationship openings or closings, expanding identities or sexualities, marriage, divorce, child bearing and raising, loss of loved ones, family of origin relational dynamics, shifts in social worlds, moving, home-making, changing global and cultural contexts, illness or evolving health needs, and so forth. These moments pose new challenges and often reveal distinct, unfamiliar sets of needs for one or more partners.
In therapy, couples are offered the space to tell and re-tell their stories of self and share with their beloved(s) the experiences and feelings that are shaping them in the here and now. In doing so, partners are offered the opportunity to hear and witness each other in meaningful and more deeply attuned ways.
Start Couples Therapy in-person or virtually in Highland Park and Los Angeles
Therapy with me is a relational space where couples can slow down and attend to what gets stirred between and within them. Together, we learn to listen beneath the familiar arguments for the tender parts that are trying to make themselves known. If you are longing for your relationship to hold deeper curiosity, complexity, and capacity for change, I invite you to reach out to schedule a free consultation.
Other Services Offered at Therapy on Fig
At Therapy on Fig, we provide therapy services tailored to the unique needs of couples, adults, and teens. We offer Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy, IFS Therapy, Therapy for Empaths, Trauma Therapy, Couples Therapy, Teen Therapy, ADHD Therapy, Group Therapy, Therapy for Entrepreneurs, Anxiety Therapy, Therapy for Autistic People, Depression Therapy, Premarital Counseling, LGBTQ Affirming Therapy, and CPTSD Therapy. Whether you're seeking support for a specific issue or looking to strengthen your relationship overall, our therapists are here to help. Reach out today to learn more about our services!
Emily Gaston is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #155211 and Registered Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #19502, supervised by Philip Chang, LCSW #92156. She practices from a relational, depth-oriented, and IFS-informed perspective that welcomes queer individual adults and teens and couples navigating relational and family-system trauma, moving through grief and loss.