“Tell him to pass the salt.”
Picture it: you’re seated at a dinner table with your family. Your parents recently had a big fight, and there’s tension in the air. Rather than speaking to one another, they communicate through you; rather than just asking for the salt, they ask you to ask for the salt.
This is a simple example of a dynamic called triangulation. Triangulation occurs when conflict between two people gets managed through a third person instead of being addressed directly.
Read MoreRegardless of its shape, familial estrangement is typically accompanied by an emotional rollercoaster. Parts that carry grief, guilt, relief, anger, and confusion can all show up, often at the same time. Many people also struggle with a sense of shame that says, “If I were a better daughter/son/sibling, I could figure this out.”
Read MoreMany people come to therapy with an awareness that intergenerational trauma exists in their family. I often hear clients express a desire to heal and move forward from intergenerational trauma by trailblazing a new path. This "new path" might look like:
Considering a career change or pursuing past interests/passions.
Re-imagining a new life for the next generation, such as parenting your children or relating to your nieces and nephews differently.
Exploring identity development/formation and figuring out, "Who or what do I want to be?"
“How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty?” This is one of the most commonly asked questions I hear, especially as a therapist who works with adult children of immigrants and highly sensitive folks. Setting boundaries is hard work; you’re implementing a change to alter a long-standing dynamic.
Read MoreYou want something about your relationship with your sibling to change
This might look like this:
-A desire to develop more closeness and honesty
-A desire to confront problematic behaviors and how they impact you
-A desire to take on more or less shared responsibility within your family
Read MoreYou may have heard the phrase before that goes along these lines: "people go to therapy to deal with the people in their lives who won't go to therapy." This is often applicable when it comes to relationships with difficult family members.
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