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Self-pathologizing is the act of diagnosing or labeling oneself with mental health issues without proper evaluation. It assumes some deficit in the individual without considering nuances of their past experiences or environmental factors. It makes sense that it would feel validating to find a label that fits our symptoms, as our brains love categorization and fitting us into neat boxes. However, it can also lead us down a path of self-limitation and unnecessary distress.

Intellectualization is a subtle protective part of us that can arise inside and outside the therapy room. It can feel extremely illuminating and empowering to gain an intellectual understanding of our inner world. With so much more emphasis on self-help and therapy in the greater discourse, it’s become easy to believe we are “doing the work” by thinking, learning, and understanding. There is a crucial caveat: in pursuing intellectual insight, we may unknowingly distancing ourselves from emotion. 

EMDR therapy can benefit what is often referred to as Big "T" trauma, what we may typically think of as traumatic (e.g., car accident, childhood abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, combat, etc.), and Little "t," trauma, which may look like experiencing neglect from caregivers, being bullied, loss of significant relationships, and other relational trauma. EMDR can support in bringing healing to both and help you feel more grounded in your life, reducing issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

You may have grown up in a culture where you were told that anything fun was a waste of time. As an Asian American child of immigrants, I was often told that play was allowed only after being productive. Play was viewed only as a luxury or reward, and engaging in play any other time was considered a waste. As a millennial, I’ve half-joked with friends that our generation feels pressure to monetize our hobbies for them to feel worthwhile.

We all know conflict is an unavoidable and even healthy part of intimate relationships. Standing up for ourselves fosters self-esteem, asking for what we need improves self-efficacy and self-confidence, and learning to tolerate discomfort while speaking our truth encourages a braver and more honest connection with our partner. However, conflict provides another, deeper benefit: it reveals our subconscious stories (i.e., beliefs) that we were previously unaware of.

Because shame can feel so overwhelming, our first instinct might be to avoid it. Maybe you react angrily to perceived criticism or rejection, fearing your shame will be revealed. Perhaps you shut down and withdraw yourself from the person bringing out your shame. Whatever the response, these are examples of protective mechanisms that help to shield us from our shame. However, perceiving shame as just one aspect of our emotional experience is helpful.

In and outside the family, when well-behaved and mature are reinforced over time by well-meaning adults through praise and/or a lack of discipline, it can cause children to associate their value with being “easy” and, by extension, not having needs and being self-sufficient.

This can bring a sense of not feeling free to engage in carefree play, heightened anxiety around making mistakes, and struggles with vulnerability.

Narcissism is a complex and broad term, the cause of which can be varied. Some posit that the overvaluation of children from their parents leads to a deficit in self-reflection and empathy. However, it has been widely noted that narcissism can function as a protective mechanism against self-conscious emotions such as shame and guilt. It could come from being constantly shamed or criticized as a child, leading to unbearable feelings that can be temporarily reduced with narcissism.

As an HSP, you bring many gifts into your friendships. Some of these are a sense of attunement, conscientiousness, and empathy, allowing you to connect in rich, powerful ways with those in your life. These qualities that allow for deep connections may also be factors in those overthinking spirals that can feel tough to escape.

“How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty?” This is one of the most commonly asked questions I hear, especially as a therapist who works with adult children of immigrants and highly sensitive folks. Setting boundaries is hard work; you’re implementing a change to alter a long-standing dynamic.

There are many addictive behaviors we are quick to label and judge as such - alcohol, drugs, smoking, gambling, etc. However, things become more complicated when it comes to our day job. What happens when our source of livelihood also becomes the source of our mental and emotional suffering?

Mixed emotions come with even the most joyous of shifts.

When this reality goes unacknowledged, we can feel ashamed of our fears, disorientations, grief, etc. Being curious about the different emotions in us helps us move forward.

In his book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, author William Bridges writes, 

"... change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. So it is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation and self-redefinition that you must go through to incorporate any of those changes into your life." 

It's common to feel trapped and dissatisfied in your job. Perhaps you find your work unfulfilling or unimportant, you're in a toxic and unsupportive work environment, or your job demands too much time. You may be interested in trying something new but concerned about the job market, so you stay put. Many legitimate factors may prevent someone from leaving their job. But before you give up, I encourage you to be curious about your situation and consider what is at the root of your dissatisfaction.

Making decisions is hard. You've made the pros and cons list and talked to trusted friends, family, and your therapist. You've even tried flipping a coin. But yet, you're still not sure. A judgemental part is beginning to show up around your inability to decide, and you're left paralyzed.

Do I stay in this relationship? 

Do I take another job? 

Do I try medication?

Do I go down a different career path? 

As we grow and move through different seasons, it's natural for our interests, values, and goals to shift. A common shift not often addressed is a shift, change, or deconstruction in faith. Deconstructing your faith and belief system can be confusing, jarring, and emotional. You formerly held a clear framework for how to make sense and meaning of most things - yourself, your relationships, your purpose in life, and the world around you.

While the therapeutic relationship is unique in many ways, it is still a relationship between two humans. Because of this, you are bound to experience a range of feelings during your work together.

Here are some examples of common scenarios that might elicit emotional responses toward your therapist:

1. Feeling unfulfilled signals boredom and under-stimulation.

2. Feeling unfilled is signaling misalignment with your core values.

3. Feeling unfulfilled signals a lack of purpose and a sense of potential.