Blog

Mixed emotions come with even the most joyous of shifts.

When this reality goes unacknowledged, we can feel ashamed of our fears, disorientations, grief, etc. Being curious about the different emotions in us helps us move forward.

In his book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, author William Bridges writes, 

"... change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. So it is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation and self-redefinition that you must go through to incorporate any of those changes into your life." 

It's common to feel trapped and dissatisfied in your job. Perhaps you find your work unfulfilling or unimportant, you're in a toxic and unsupportive work environment, or your job demands too much time. You may be interested in trying something new but concerned about the job market, so you stay put. Many legitimate factors may prevent someone from leaving their job. But before you give up, I encourage you to be curious about your situation and consider what is at the root of your dissatisfaction.

Making decisions is hard. You've made the pros and cons list and talked to trusted friends, family, and your therapist. You've even tried flipping a coin. But yet, you're still not sure. A judgemental part is beginning to show up around your inability to decide, and you're left paralyzed.

Do I stay in this relationship? 

Do I take another job? 

Do I try medication?

Do I go down a different career path? 

As we grow and move through different seasons, it's natural for our interests, values, and goals to shift. A common shift not often addressed is a shift, change, or deconstruction in faith. Deconstructing your faith and belief system can be confusing, jarring, and emotional. You formerly held a clear framework for how to make sense and meaning of most things - yourself, your relationships, your purpose in life, and the world around you.

While the therapeutic relationship is unique in many ways, it is still a relationship between two humans. Because of this, you are bound to experience a range of feelings during your work together.

Here are some examples of common scenarios that might elicit emotional responses toward your therapist:

1. Feeling unfulfilled signals boredom and under-stimulation.

2. Feeling unfilled is signaling misalignment with your core values.

3. Feeling unfulfilled signals a lack of purpose and a sense of potential.

Recently, I have noticed a few themes coming up with my clients who describe themselves as a “giver” “empath” or “helper.” Those of us who identify with these roles in relationships often feel obligated to provide something to our friends, family members, coworkers, and partners. 

Throughout life, we develop relationships, attachments, and emotional bonds with people, communities, animals, places, things, and the roles we come into. Whenever these bonds are broken or severed—whether intentional, anticipated, or unexpected—we experience loss and grief.

You want something about your relationship with your sibling to change 

This might look like this:

-A desire to develop more closeness and honesty

-A desire to confront problematic behaviors and how they impact you

-A desire to take on more or less shared responsibility within your family

One of my favorite themes to explore with my clients is the experience of anger. Anger is a commonly misunderstood feeling and often gets a bad reputation. Some common beliefs we carry about anger are:

1. Anger is not allowed.

2. It's bad to feel angry.

3. Feeling angry reflects a personality trait or characteristic (i.e., I'm so out of control, I'm a mean person).

Attachment theory and attachment styles have been getting a lot of attention lately. Often, people come to therapy acknowledging that they may have an avoidant attachment style and/or avoidant tendencies. Some common things I hear from these clients are: 

As the holiday season approaches, it can feel like life starts moving quicker, and there doesn’t seem to be as much breathing room. Around this time, I hear clients share how overwhelmed they feel going into the holidays and their struggles to balance time resting and connecting with others.

Oftentimes, clients come to therapy having already acknowledged that they’re burnt out. You likely are already aware of the common self care practices to address burn out, such as exercising, sleeping, and engaging in hobbies. You may also be in a situation where it’s not possible to directly change or remove the stressors contributing to burn out (i.e. you’re a new parent, you’re not in a position where you can quit your job, etc).

We all have different perspectives on what it looks like to be in a flourishing romantic relationship. Relationship issues often come up in individual therapy, where clients have the opportunity to process feelings around the relationship and make changes in their own communication, internal regulation, etc. I often encourage clients to consider couple’s therapy as another tool to see growth in their relationship.

When we think of self-care, we often refer to practices we engage in to maintain our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social well-being. This can look like having a reflective practice such as journaling or meditating, making time for our hobbies, spending time with friends, managing our time to get the rest we need, setting boundaries, and even treating ourselves.

It can feel overwhelming or daunting when you think about working toward a goal or making a change in your life. You might tell yourself you’re not good, brave, or motivated. A common thing I hear my clients say is, “I wish I wasn’t so lazy. If only I wasn’t so lazy, I could ___.”

Having great care for a friend, family member, or partner's needs and well-being can lead to compassion, understanding, and patience towards our loved ones. In addition, it can lead us to develop an awareness of stressors in our loved ones' lives that we become mindful of how we can reduce additional discomfort or stress. This can look like taking on a task that a loved one is usually responsible for or saving a conversation for when our loved one has more clarity and can be present.

Many of my clients describe themselves as the emotional caretaker in their families. They're often known as the responsible, the mini-adult growing up, and the ones their parents confided in and depended on. They are parentified by their caregivers/parents in that they bear the weight of ensuring the happiness of the adults around them growing up.